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Narcissistic Men Cannot Father

Posted Mar 27 2010 9:03am

Narcissisic men stopped growing psychologically when they were young boys. Many of them are e two year olds having constant tantrums. Everything must go their way or else. In dealing with a two year old the parent calmly teaches her child that limits must be placed on behaviors that disrupt the peace and psychological space of others. It is normal for a two year old to be contrary, to go through a "No" stage and to insist that the entire world belongs to him to do whatever he or she wants. The two year old has no patience for waiting. He demands that his needs and wishes be fulfilled immediately. If they aren't he opens his mouth and starts screaming at the top of his lungs. Good parents acknowledge what their young child is feeling. Another aspect of good parenting with a two year old is to teach them that he or she can learn self control and that there are alternative ways of getting one's needs met that are more successful and appropriate.

Narcissistic men have not been given a sense of limits or boundaries as small children. Particularly if they were the golden boy narcissist they have had free reign over the household. The mother has chosen her perfect golden son as her partner psychologically, so from her perspective, he can do no wrong, even when he is tyranical and cruel with other family members and his playmates. Growing up as a grandiose false self, the male narcissist, never develops the capacity for human empathy. He has no understanding or interest in the feelings of others. Everything revolves around him. He is never corrected for his cruelties toward others. After all, he is perfect and superior to everyone else---like the king of a small fiefdom. As the narcissist grows he matures physically but is arrested psychologically. The psychological stucture of the narcissist does not change. He remains a small child inside.

Narcissistic men cannot father because they are small petulant children. They cannot give to anyone, let alone a child. When a child is born to them, they either deny that he or she exists or decide how this young life will be of use in enhancing their status.  For the narcissist, the child is a narcissistic supply, not a separate human being. The child is an object that can be exploited for the narcissist's purposes alone.  Many narcissistic men abandon their children. They leave their lives physically and psychologically. Some of them help to create golden boy clones of themseles who will never become feeling, authentic human beings. This is a tragedy from every point of view. Learn to specifically identity the narcissistic personality in every facet and phase of his/her life. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation

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