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Narcissist's Cycles of Revenge

Posted Jun 23 2010 12:27pm

Beneath the narcisssist's aura of charm, conviviality and smooth social graces, he or she has another side that is very apparent to those who live with him or her, his spouse, children and other family members. No one says "No" to the narcissist---unless they want to be the recipient of extreme retribution. That is the narcissist's mind set. These individuals have very rigid personality structures that do not change. They have unbending wills of steel that insist they are always right, that their way is the only one and that all of those who buck them will be discarded and punished severely. The narcissist plays dirty; he or she is a street fighter. The narcissist picks the weak spots, the vulnerabilities in his opponent and knows exactly where and how to turn the screws. We become an opponent of the narcissist when we defy him and think for ourselves and let him or her know that they can no longer rules our lives. Most people are intimidated by the power and force of the narcissistic personality, especially if this is a person of high achievement, financial force and powerful connections. 

The world of revenge is dark and murky. It is enmeshed with secrets, of plots to destroy another by revealing private information that will injure another human being, psychologically and emotionally. Narcissistic revenge can become very ugly during a divorce. He or she will pull out every stop to Win, whether that is grabbing and controlling all financial assets, aggressively moving toward full custody of the children or making direct efforts to destroy the professional and personal reputation of his former partner. 

Non-narcissistic spouses have a choice to get off the revenge horror ride. They can do everything in their power to defend themselves in court, to take the assets that they deserve or even a smaller amount if the narcissist is being unfair and ruthless (which is often the case) and move on to the next phase of their lives without inflicting further psychological or emotional harm on themselves and their children.  The narcissist will never change and is likely to continue delusional cycles of revenge until he or she finds another opponent.

Getting out of this toxic psychological stew is freeing and life-transforming. Gathering up your own life, creating an environment of external and internal peace and simplicity and strengthening your mental, physical and spiritual capacities are now your priority. You are taking yourself  and your life in a positive healing direction. Move forward and give yourself a lot of credit. Visit my website:


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International 

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