Manic Depressive Illness- Confusion and Fear of Sanity
Posted May 05 2011 7:03pm
This post is a mental update. I started feeling overwhelmed and I needed a place to vent and examine my mental state: The last few days have been a blur, going in and out of meetings with school officials, wasting time in front of the TV and distorting my reality through illicit means. It has been frustrating. Although I have finally made it to the end of the semester, I am still in a rut. I’m depressed because I am lonely, and I am lonely, because my agoraphobia is at an all-time high. Couple that with my inability to write (even though I have come up with this post, my mind would rather think I was suffering from a lack ideas) and you can see why I am confused.
But I have felt like this before. These are the same feelings I had prior to my diagnosis with Manic Depressive Illness- the confusion, the terror, the stress and the fear of the unknown crashing around in my head. It actually makes some sense, as to why the feelings of confusion are similar. In a few weeks I am going to be seeing a new therapist, possibly starting an out-patient program and hopefully changing my medication cocktail. But I am scared of what is to come, because I am not used to having a stable mind. I have been in the darkness so long, that I have forgotten what it is like to be sane…
I am going to end this post with a question: Have you ever been afraid of your own sanity?
Ps.: As I grow this blog I am going to looking for submissions and guest bloggers. So if you are interested, please send me an email: manicdepressiveblog [at] yahoo.com, or message me through twitter @david_a_stein