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Lines and Circles

Posted Nov 06 2009 10:02pm
Oh me. Oh my. What a day.....

It starts last night with:

Taz tells me he has a 15 minute detention after school because a sub thought he was annoying....I'm afraid to ask.
Bear walks out while Taz is telling me this and says that he had an office referral because a teacher thinks he called her a name.
This morning the phone rings and it is the assistant principal. Bear is suspended for the day for calling the teacher the B word. I receive an email from the teacher and it really was an afternoon of H-E Double hockey sticks for her with his behavior.
I have homework due Monday. A big midterm on Weds. Taz has a swim meet on Saturday. I have company coming for the day on Sunday. Nooooo problem. Clean house, make menu, do homework, study for exam, deal with Bear all day.

Normally if one of the boys is suspended I send them to pull weeds or rake leaves all day. I have so much to do I just do not have time to deal. So I have been making him sit on his bed. I did clean out the fridge and the Tupperware was mighty stinky so he is downstairs washing it by hand as we "speak".

We learned some things in Marriage & Family I have put to good use with him. He has what is called Linear Thinking.

Like when the child rolls the ball, he feels other people actions cause his reaction. End of story. "They make me mad and when they make me mad I explode." This makes complete sense to him.

Our interactions with people are actually circular. They act. We react. They react. We react. So when he argues, they give a consequence. He thinks the consequence is unfair so he yells. They feel frustrated so try so come up with a new consequence. It goes in a circle with each leading to a reaction from the other.

This gives the picture that he has power. He is very much victimized in his thinking. He reacts as though life just happens to him. Circular thinking shows that it is all interactions. He effects others. They effect him. How he reacts then effects them again.

Telling him this story once will not change things. Talking it through and what the circle that he just experienced looked like and that he has power to change may.

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