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Keep Your Psychological Distance from Narcissists

Posted Jun 15 2010 6:51am

Narcissists are in a constant state of building themselves up, glorying in their greatness and tearing you down at the same time. If you are not their Special Person of the moment whom they have come to adore (so fleetingly), then be prepared to distance yourself from them psychologically. Otherwise, they will erode your confidence, hope, creativity, optimism, sense of inner calmness and any positive emotion that you are feeling.  You have a right to be treated with respect rather than used. If you are married to or involved with a narcissist, you are being exploited in one way or another. Narcissists don't have relationships. They are predatory plotters who will take the best from you, use it for their own purposes and show you the door. 

In dealing with a narcissist, first learn specifically how to pinpoint their character traits so you know early on that you are dealing with a serious personality disorder. Prepare yourself for engagement with the narcissist by learning to remain steady, unshakable and calm regardless of his or her theatrics. Practicing calmness can be achieved through meditation, yoga or other modalities which provide your mind and emotions with a steadiness that cannot be ruffled. Don't overreact to their verbal intimidations or demeaning comments. You have the right to leave their presence. Remember that you are a separate person, not an appendage of the narcissist. Learn to become emotionally detached from these individuals. They are like small spoiled children having constant temper tantrums. They are much more destructive than children because they are cruel, cold and vindictive.

In some cases it becomes necessary to sever yourself from the relationship with a narcissistic personality. In cases of divorce this can be an arduous process. I find that clients who take these steps to psychological freedom, eventually find that they are grateful to have their lives and themselves back. They are healing, opening themselves up to their talents, creativity, self initiative and deep inner strength that will sustain them for the rest of their lives. Visit my website:


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation

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