Well, I don't!! I have no motivation today to write a post. Last week, zapped me of my energy, so did this weekend and lack of sleep. Well, you already heard about last week if not you can read it. Then, I completed the Retaliation slideshow which is really disturbing to me and I watched it with my therapist today. I started to go away and fragment afterward, but I was able to speak with tonight once I stopped fragmenting, so much.
That was helpful because I need to feel reconnect to me and to him in order to handle my session tomorrow evening with my husband where I am going to tell him more about the sexual abuse in the garage. I just hope I show up. That is the goal that I am trying to focus on...just show up, be present, don't go away, don't fragment, don't dissociate before I even start talking. Just simply be and be present. Sounds simple, but it isn't in practice.
I also see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I am going to tell him what has been going on. This will include that I am not sleeping well. For the past several weeks, I have only been sleeping two to three hours at night. And for the past four nights, I have been sleeping two hours or less than I am up for the day and take a nap around 2 pm or 3 pm. I tried to stay up and not take naps, but then I still only slept the short amount of time.
Two weeks ago, my psychiatrist said that it had to do with the emotional work that I was doing in my therapy and the accompanying flashbacks/nightmares. I start getting into the deeper REM, dreaming sleep, and I have a nightmare and wake up. I am beginning to feel sleep deprived. However, there are no more medications to add. Last time, he felt it was temporary...sigh!!! I'm frustrated. I guess, I did want to write a post about what is going on currently...I'm exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally...need sleep!!!