While it seems that my husband has been using drugs with the neighborhood druggie now for at least a couple of years, he won't admit it. He has said very weird things and been involved with what I believe to be some illegal activity. When I found evidence of this on the computer, he blew it up. He has even said that he thought about killing for money. He is only 48 years old and wants to retire. He spends a lot of time at the local bar where apparently he has been involved in some affairs. He admits nothing. He has also said things like "we watch tv or go to the bar when that gets boring" when I asked if he wanted to go for a walk at the lake (down the road a couple of miles). He seems to think that I have to be with him at all times, unless he wants to go to the bar.
Hubby seems to hate being at work lately, though he has been employed there for 23 years. Once, when a women came to the door asking for a pipe that hubby stole, right in front of the children who were teens then. Of course he made up stories to prove her wrong but did go out to his work truck for something and swore she had misplaced the pipe. The next day he called from his work number and told me that he told the secretary that I would call telling her this and that we had gotten in a fight and I wanted to get him in trouble. I had never thought of such a thing and consider myself to be a much better person than that, but now they think this way of me at the office ( I have been reminded by one of them lately).
I am so confused. I had the kids move out of the house because of the chaos, which has slowed some other that the completely controllong behavior.
The youngest of the children is now 20 and just joined the military, we tried counseling, at my request. He agreed but totally lied when we were there. Can't help that way.
I have been working with families in crisis like for over 10 years but always thought that both people must contribute to the behaviors for it to come to this point.
I have been clear about my expectations and he still says that he hasn't used drugs ( I have overheard differently from the bar buddies). I have told him about my concerns with alcohlism, but he refuses to believe there is a problem, even though he came home, in his work uniform, saying "Becky, you are the only one who can help me now!". He was paranoid and didn't seem to get what was going on.
Please help. I don't know anything about drug of alcohol abuse. I have read lots since then but still I can't figure out what is going on and what he is imagining or what is real. It is kind of scary sometimes too.