and yes i am all alone. not a friend since grade 3 and i know i have no one to turn to. my mother is yelling constantly at me and i dont know what to do, i was living alone for a little while, but she somehow managed to have me move back home so i can save, well when i came back i was bombarded with yelling and screaming and hell that i had to put up with. now at the same time my ex told me that she wasnt pregnant and that she never was. i know she cheated on me. theres so much more to that. then as the year progressed and my depression worsened she thought to herself that she would take it upon herself to start to yell into my ear that im a no good bumb. i wasnt working because i went to school for a program and got kicked out a month later ( another long story ). so what do i do, i stay in bed constantly eating chocolate and junk food hoping diabeties would take me. and i still hope it does. now im re-enrolled in school and i mmoving out again in the fall of 2011. but thats not good enough, she wants me out now and i know my father hates me, i hate him, and my grandparents always side with the parents. its a lost cause and im at the end of my ropes. i have seen a therapist and she did nothing for me. after about 4 months of seeing her i thought to myself she isnt that good, so why even bother. im not shy about naming names, nor am i afraid to burn any bridge that i havent already burnt down. people say i am offensive, others say they like someone who tells it like it is. at home whenever i start to speak my mother and father will automatically think it is something sexual that will come out, or it will be something preverse. i know i am 20, but im holding down a job and im doing the best that i can with what ive got. in my mind of minds thats not good enough and i know it never will be. somedays i think its going so well and others not. all i know is that i need someone to talk to, that will not judge, will not be angry or offended if i say anything off colour. 3 years ago i was happy, but i know now that i will never fully recover from this nightmare that i call hell. and im sure theres plenty more, i just cant think on anything
Hey Nathan. Sorry you're suffering. Sorting through all these problems will probably take you some time, but there are three things I'd suggest you do ASAP:
(1) Get to a doctor and ask to be evaluated for clinical depression. I suspect the right meds will be an essential first step to turning both your mood and your life around.
(2) Find a good therapist. Yes, I know you had a disappointing experience. Don't let that stop you. Instead, use what you learned from it to find a better one. Interview more than one therapist, tell them up front what you disliked about your last one, and see how their approach compares. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need and want. (Personally, I love it when a new client does that. Makes my job easier.) And don't be afraid to trust your gut instinct in picking who you work with. The right therapist will be the one you want to come back to.
(3) End your isolation. One way is to find yourself an Al-Anon Adult Children meeting. Doesn't matter if there's alcoholism in your family or not. Al-Anon AC meetings are for anyone who didn't get their needs met in their families and were left with emotional and relationship problems as a result. Or, if you find yourself using food to self-medicate, find an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. Just go and listen. It's free, the people are friendly, and you should know pretty quickly whether this is where you belong.
Well, it certainly does seem like you have a lot on your plate. I will be honest with you, after reading what you have written I just don't even know where to start with regards to your personal issues. What I think I can say with a fair amount of confidence though is I really think that you need to see a professional psychologist/counselor, and a psychiatrist. I am not a medical professional, however, some of the ways you have described yourself reminds me an awful lot of how I used to be before I began treatment for my depression, and medication. I am not saying that is what is going on with you, but it certainly would be worth checking out.
I realize that you have already seen a counselor, I think you said for about four months. In the grand scheme of things, four months is not really very long to see a counselor. It takes a long time for anyone to break through any barriers we may have set up, and that is if we are working with the counselor. It takes even longer if we are are resistant to the process. I would suggest when you begin seeing a new counselor, you give it a good 6 to 9 months before you decide whether or not it's working for you.
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