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Help! I Can't Escape My OCD - Not Even On This Blog!

Posted Oct 11 2010 10:33am
For those of you who stop by my site on a somewhat regular basis I'm sure you've noticed the constant change in my page layout, etc. (or maybe you haven't - who knows).   It drives me NUTS!  Those of you with OCD can fully understand I'm sure.  I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with how it looks or how I word things in the "about me" section or the "site description" section - which is why I'm constantly changing it (not that it's a huge difference - but to me it is).  Wow - HELLO!  You know it's bad when you start a blog as a form of therapy and it only makes on of your disorders worse!!! lol!

So, don't be surprised if you see constant changes to this site... I just wanted to give a heads up so that you don't think you're on the wrong site! :)  The name of the blog will always be "Hope Despite Depression" so you don't have to worry about that changing!  I actually spent the ENTIRE DAY yesterday taking numerous pictures to use as my profile pic.  My husband can testify to the fact that pretty much all of them looked mostly the same, but I tried to explain to him that - no - each one was slightly different... :)

My OCD can be quite annoying, but I know it could be worse.  Those of us who deal with OCD know how much it can control (or rather how much we LET it control) our lives... Thankfully my OCD has gotten better over the years... it's not as intense as it used to be... but I still have my quirks.

I remember how I used to always worry about wondering whether or not I had unplugged my curling iron before I left for work each day.  Every time I would unplug it I would tell myself I unplugged it and then stare at the outlet for a while.  I would leave the room and then come back numerous times - to the point of making myself late for work.  Not only that, but I would actually be in my car and have to turn around and come back home to make sure that it was actually unplugged.  And I would do this more than once (at a time) so I'm sure the neighbors were wondering what the heck I was doing!!!   And it didn't matter if I had told myself that I unplugged it because I tell myself that every day - therefore that wasn't enough to reassure me that I had actually unplugged it.  (I had the same process with my iron - after I ironed some clothes...)  I think it helps that I no longer use a curling iron and that I rarely iron clothes!!!  I don't buy clothes that need ironing!!! :)

Currently I have my nightly ritual which I have to do before I can even go to bed...  I have to check (and re-check, and re-check...)  both the front and back doors to make sure they are locked (screen doors too).  Then I have to make sure that all windows are shut and locked.  I also have to make sure that I can actually find and touch my one cat that sleeps downstairs so that I know he's not locked in a closet or anything like that... (my other cat sleeps with me so no issues there :)

I definitely have other OCD tendencies, but like I said, they are not as intense as they once were (thank god!)

Anyway - the whole point of this post was to let you know that you'll more than likely find constant changes to my blog because even the slightest thing that seems "off" to me will consume my entire day until I can actually fix the problem.  I can't tell you the number of times my husband will tell me to just "take a break from it" - but I'm so bullheaded that I CAN'T - NOT UNTIL IT'S FIXED!!! :)

Got any OCD stories you'd like to share?  Please share away!!!  I know I like hearing others stories - it makes me feel more normal!! :)


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