Women who marry the man they love who has a narcissistic mother need
to be prepared. They have run right into the sites of the Matriarch from
Hell. When you first met your husband's spouse you could not have known
that this woman was determined to run your life and make you miserable.
Many of these narcissistic mothers are psychologically fused with their
sons. This started when the child was very young. In some cases the
mother substitutes her son for her husband who becomes a footnote in her
life. When her darling son decides to get married the alarm goes off.
The narcissistic matriarch is willful, ruthless and determined that she
will forever possess her son and he cannot be shared with anyone,
including his own wife.
The narcissistic mother-in-law
sabotages her daughter-in-law, talking about her in highly negative
tones. "This is not the right woman for my son. She seems to be
superficial. I suspect that she is ultimately after our money. She has
her hooks into him and won't let go." These statements are shared with
other members of the family in a convincing way that turns them against
the newly married daughter-in-law. The NM-in-law throws the full force
of her ruthlessness and treachery into her goal---the destroy this
marriage. In some cases this works. The wife gives up. She has been
isolated, demeaned, lied about, dragged through every texture of mud
possible. I have heard of narcissistic mother-in-laws who had the nerve
to contact their daughter-in-law's work to tell outrageous lies about
her daughter-in-law. It is remarkable what these dangerous, highly
disturbed narcissistic mothers are capable of doing and pulling off.
daughter-in-laws take the showers, the oncoming mortars of abuse
continuously. They become weary, exhausted, depressed, anxious. Some of
them develop PTSD as a result of this severe level of abuse.
advice to daughter-in-laws who have tried everything to keep peace and
to compromise but have been chronically attacked as a result, should
consider the possibility of severing the relationship with her husband.
The spouse needs to choose between his disturbed fused relationship with
his mother and his wife. If the son cannot individuate from the mother,
then there are no alternatives than to make the separation. In some
cases the husband wakes up and realizes that his love for his wife and
his become a separate individual from his pathologically possessive
mother takes precedence. The daughter-in-law should not blame herself if
she has made repeated efforts to make peace and comes to the
realization that she is dealing with a classic narcissistic
mother-in-law. You are not to blame. Honor and respect yourself. To
learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. Telephone Consultation: United States and International Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life Email: firstname.lastname@example.org