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Friday Funnies – Mother’s Day

Posted May 07 2010 12:48pm

Funny Mother’s Day jokes to get your weekend started. Enjoy!

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be,  as long as they do everything we say.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

  • “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”
  • “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.”
  • “Just leave all the lights on…it makes the house look more cheery.”
  • “Let me smell that shirt–Yeah, it is good for another week.”
  • “Go, ahead and keep that stray dog, honey.  I will be happy to feed and walk him every day.”
  • “Well, if Tommy’s mother said it was OK, that’s good enough for me.”
  • “The curfew is just a general time to shoot for.  It is not like I am running a prison around here”
  • “I don’t have a tissue with me…just use your sleeve
  • “Don’t bother wearing a jacket–The wind chill is bound to improve.”

While assembling furniture, my friend Debbie asked her roommate’s five-year-old son to bring her a screwdriver.
“Do you want a ‘Daddy’ screwdriver or a ‘Mommy’ screwdriver?” the little boy asked.
Confused but preoccupied, Debbie absentmindedly said, “Bring me a ‘Mommy’ screwdriver.”
The child came back and handed her a butter knife.

A mother had been getting on to her two little daughters about not picking up their clothes. One afternoon, mom went into their room and she could be heard saying, “Who left all this underwear all over the floor?”  As innocently as an angel, one of the girls replied, “The Panty Fairy came and left us presents”!

Posted by Melissa Mashburn at 3:48 pm

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