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Flashbacks ~ Wine

Posted Jun 30 2010 12:00am

**TRIGGER WARNING**  **TRIGGER WARNING**

Just when I thought that my flashbacks were behind me, I realize that to some extent that I will always have them.  Although, I had a great time at the Grease sing-along, the smell of wine triggered a slide show of memories.  I've never had wine cause this reaction.  But, I guess, I was ready to deal with the memories in the flashbacks.

My mother and step-father used to have wine in the house all the time.  When they would drink which was almost everyday, the would try to give me some.  If I refused, I was teased. Most of the time, I eventually drank some.  Then, they would tease me as I was a bit drunk, as were they.  They were unrelenting with getting me to drink.  My feelings and wishes were ignored.

When drinking, they would also become quite amorous.  Which basically included kissing, fondling and then eventually intercourse in front of me or in the bedroom with the door open.  I felt like I wasn't even there and my feelings didn't matter. Also, felt a bit abandoned.

I was/am quite angry...enraged, in fact.  I was quite confused and overwhelmed. Adding to my emotional state was this was also during the time, I was being sexually abused. I also feel kinda sick as I was only in elementary school between second and fifth grade. On Monday, I discussed this with my therapist and am working this through...I'm kind of numb which is a defense.

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