Things are slowly getting a little better, which has made me hopeful.
Last night I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I felt exhausted, like giving up on life, yet very angry. I think sometimes that anger is my way of fighting back, of telling myself that I can’t give up, that I have fight left in me.
The only thing I wanted to do was dive under my covers and go to bed. Instead I stormed off to the gym and hopped on the treadmill. Around 20 minutes into my run I was feeling good. I wasn ’t thinking about life at all, I was just thinking about my breathing and the rhythm of my steps.
When I switched to the bike 10 minutes later, I was sweaty and feeling good. I wasn ’t dwelling on the negative, but looking at a positive, that I had just logged 30 min. on the treadmill. I had accomplished something. And even though it wasn ’t something big, I did it.
Today I was still feeling the lingering good effects from my run last night. I decided to seize the day and go skiing with the kids and my husband. We only lasted around 3 hours on the hill before a lightening storm closed the lifts, but we had a great time!
Although I’m still tired and feeling a little tentative about life, I’m taking steps forward once again - one step at a time.