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Covert Narcissists---Don't Let Down Your Guard

Posted Feb 27 2010 1:50pm
Covert narcissists are brilliantly sneaky. I call their MO--Slapping you with a Smile! Their smooth superficial engaging manner draws people to them. Covert narcissists are clever at playing the fake humility card.  Beneath these performances this brand of narcissist is as toxic as his grandiose classic relatives. The covert narcissist thrives by constantly reminding himself/herself that he is a "good person." He often achieves this through subtle bragging about his worldly accomplishments and acquisitions. Throughout his interactions the CN is reminding you of his superiority and your inferiority. The CN is a fine actor who fakes empathy, humor and spontaneity, putting you completely off  guard. When he or she is in the mood the CN will shower compliments and accolades on you, like aromatic flower pedals. The CN is always reminding you of his superiority and your inferiority. There is no genuine communication with a CN. They appear to dip into serious topics but they are unable to go deep emotionally or psychologically or to share the mutual experience of discovering insights with you. Conversations with them move in one direction-theirs. They pretend to listen but the CN is waiting to claim his next narcissistic supply at your expense. These interchanges are stressful and tiring, leading nowhere.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 If you are involved with a CN through marriage, family or friendship, it is your decision whether to maintain the "relationship"  or not. You have different values from the narcissist. You are open to creating loving relationships, even if this involves inevitable  pain at times. Your life agenda is much deeper and broader than the acquisition of worldly power and possessions. You don't need the constant fanfare of ego enhancements and narcissistic supplies. Your sense of self is solid. You are capable of compassion and emotional intimacy. You are an evolving whole vibrant human being. Visit my 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation

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