Matt and I went to dinner with our friends Will and Jackie tonight, where eventually we got talking about everything, including marital affairs. Matt and I have been married for eight years, and our friends have been married for one year - they are adorable, and much more tolerable now that they're out of the honeymoon stage.
We got to talking and laughing about the difference in the bedroom as your marriage gets further and further away from the honeymoon.
Will: So have you guys just reached an abstinence is best phase?
Matt: No comment.
Me: We basically just focus all of our frustration into cooking food and then eating that food. Hence all the fat.
Will: I'd do that but then I'd stuff myself from eating too fast.
Me: *busts a gut laughing* Oh the sweet metaphors.
Will: Yeah . . . I'd like a chance to rephrase that.
Me: You should have said, "I'm like a slow cooker . . . I go all day long."
Matt: I'm like an easy bake oven. I take forever and everyone's disappointed in the end.
I always wanted an easy bake oven when I was a kid, but I never got one.
Makes me wonder if that's why I was a bit trampy in high school.