Apparrently i am a control freak. My psychologist thinks that my lack of desire, interest in contacting my psychiatrist to talk about medication is about me wanting to control my illness and not let it control me. However, she thinks that by me trying to manage it this way i am heading for a fall. She asked if i had cancer or a heart condition then would i not do all that i could to fight it and take medication if that was what was needed rather than trying to think myself better. She thought this was the same thing i have a life threatening illness that if i don’t do all i can to manage it then it will win and i will land up back in hospital probably worse than i was before and for longer. I can see her point, i obviously haven’t reached the point of acceptance. Taking the medication means that i do have an illness and it is something that i cannot control with all the will in the world. We more or less spent the whole hour talking about this, i think she was trying to wear me down or in her mind make sense. Now i am totally mixed up. I don’t want to land up in hospital. She said she was really worried and sad that i felt that carrying on like this was better than taking a pill and feeling better.
I’ve given in and called my psychiatrist and now i am waiting or him to return my call. What harm can it do to speak to him and see what he thinks. Thats if he does call me back.