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Concealed Narcissists Play Gotcha

Posted Dec 09 2009 3:07pm

Concealed Narcissists Play Gotcha

Unlike grandiose, over the top, high level narcissists, their quieter and more hidden brothers and sisters do their dirty work using a different style. Lacking the panache of the full fledged super narcissist who has no sense of limits and mesmerizes everyone, the concealed narcissist is low key, to the point of appearing to be humble and self effacing. In public he or she quietly and unobtrusively works a room. The concealed narcissist is particularly gifted at showing deference toward others. He appears to be capable of listening. What a concept, we are thinking. The bombast of the supernarcissist takes over every space he inhabits.

The concealed narcissist is not as confident or sure of himself. But he is a narcissistic personality, nevertheless. One of his tricks is the empathy ploy and  the "I'm just plain folks" moniker. The concealed narcissist is a master of fake empathy. He or she appears to take us in, understanding what we are experiencing and genuinely able to put himself in our place. This act leaves us unguarded. Just when you think there is a genuine give and take with this person he/she pulls a fast one on you---a gotcha, when you are feeling very vulnerable. He will suddenly tell you about his extraordinary new career move, a luxurious trip that he's taking, a well placed reference to a huge shift in financial status that makes you feel shocked and diminished. Concealed narcissists perform an unexpected psychological pounce that is insidious. They name drop using throw away lines as if these powerful people they know so intimately don't matter to them at all. Their purpose is to grind you down, to humiliate you and make you feel small and inferior. You find yourself feeling emotionally diminished in their presence. Remember these are attempts to puff up their self esteem and erode yours. If you learn to identify the concealed narcissist and understand how he operates, you recognize that he or she is projecting on to you the unconscious feelings of worthlessness and emptiness that he is experiencing beneath his fake affable mask. When the concealed narcissist comes to call with his "gotcha" game, you will assertively reply:  "No thanks!"  Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

 

Posted by LindaMartinezLewi
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