The second half of my week is now full of appointments. I have DBT tomorrow and then on thursday i am seeing my psychologis. On friday i am seeing my social worker/care coordinator for our first proper visit, i then have a doctors appointment and then i have my rescheduled psychiatrists appointment. I think on friday i will be overwhelmed by all the professionals that i will be seeing. My doctor is only prescribing my meds a week at a time at the moment however seeing as i have a stockpile of other old meds it really doesn;t make that much difference. The good think is that at the moment he is prescribing me lorazepam which does seem to be helping me get through the anxiety that i am suffering, i am hoping that he will carry on prescribing it for me but i know it is only a short term fix. I have no idea what the psychiatrist is going to do i have been assigned a new one and this is an emergency appointment as my next scheduled one was going to be in 3 weeks time. Just thinking about going to see this new psychiatrist is filling me with anxiety and playing on my mind what am i going to say to her. The other unusual thing is that all of a sudden all my support is going to be given by women. All of them are female now, i don’t have a good track record with women, i normally get on much better with men; so this is going to be a totally new experience.
My mood is very down at the moment i am having really strong suicidal thoughts and they are not getting any better. I have tried many things from distraction to indulgence and they are not getting better. My sleep is eratic and energy levels poor. The workload from college is just increasing and i am seriously thinking of dropping out even though i only have about 7 weeks left. It’s all very frustrating.