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A Different Type of Mother's Day

Posted Jun 01 2011 12:00am

I know that Mother's Day has long past, but I wasn't able to write this until now.  One, I am not a mother, but that is okay. But, on Mother's Day, I usually am angry, sad, ashamed, guilt ridden, I should, etc...due to my relationship and reaction to my mother.  This has always been to the point that I am unable to focus about anything also and in therapy we spend weeks dealing with my emotional state.  However, this year was different.

I did not call, send a card or a present since my letter to her and her lack of response to me.  Also, this was a sporadic event even before, but laden with guilt and I should be a good daughter.  Or if I did acknowledge her, I would be angry.  Neither is a great place to be. 
This year, I felt like I actually made a decision to do what I wanted to do and not go by the old rules.  I feel like I made a response based on what I wanted to do taking all things into account.  I felt really free from her. I was also happy. I didn't ruin my weekend.  I hardly even thought about it.
These are all positive steps toward accepting myself and in turn accepting her as she is.  Now, there are some guilt feelings and regrets.  I am also really looking at how mentally ill she is.  But, I am very satisfied with what I did.  HUGE step forward...now the work gets harder, but I'm moving forward.

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