I never really liked to drive, even when I was young. The road is just so stressful. And it’s gotten so much worse as I’ve gotten older. I don’t know if I’m imagining things (that is, if it’s the menopause convincing me), but it seems like people are so much more reckless now than they used to be. And it can make me a nervous wreck.
Have you ever had a heart palpitation? I didn’t used to get them, but they started flopping up (pun intended) as my hormones got more and more out of whack. They’re disturbing enough on their own – just imagine your heart skipping and flopping and just in generally not acting like it should! It can be hard to remind myself that it’s not serious. I’ve been told many times that it’s related to the anxiety, and my anxiety comes mostly from messed up hormones. But it can descend into a full-blown panic attack if you’re not careful.
And that’s a thousand times worse when you’re driving.
You’re puttering along in horrible traffic, trying to find ways through the stand-stills without getting side-swiped by some idiot who’s not looking where he’s going. You’re pretty sure someone’s going to rear-end you, or the car in front of you is going to slam on its breaks, or just SOMETHING you can’t avoid is going to cause a huge accident. And then, your heart starts impersonating a trapped butterfly, fluttering and flopping against your chest. Your first thought is to wonder what’s wrong, and then you start to think that you’re going to die. On the road, while driving. Or, at the very least, your heart’s antics are going to get you into that very accident that you were dreading. And even when it passes, and you’re still alive, and your car is still in one piece, you’re still out of breath and all nerves.
You’d think I’d get used to them. They used to happen a lot more before I found someone who could help me balance my hormones. I wonder if the hormones are acting up again . . .