I just turned 40 but I found out when I was 37 or 38 that I was already in menopause. My FSH levels were in the Menopausal range. I haven't had a period since I was 38 until now strangely enough. This is my first period in two years.
At first I refused to be put on HRT, but after being very emotional (i.e. anxiety,thinking that friends did not care about me etc...), I decided to go on HRT thinking that what I was feeling was hormonal and being put on hormones would help me cope with the emotional roller-coaster. At first, I thought that it was working but all my feelings of anxiety, thinking that friends didn't care about me, I was thinking friends shunning me, I was thinking friends were using me, all came back with a vengeance. Unfortunately, I do not think the the HRT are working for my mood swings/emotional roller-coaster. Since being in menopause, I have found that I have become more and more overly sensitive to things that I do not have control over. Why should I care if people do not like me or taking advantage of me, but unfortunately, I do care about that and a little too much! I have been on the verge of tears or down right crying off and on for weeks. I worry about people not liking me. I perceive people using me and taking advantage of me. I think my biggest fear is that people (especially the ones I considered friends) are taking advantage of me (they only speak to me if they want something). Any anxiety can set me off on my emotional roller-coaster. Once I am in this mood, it's very hard to get out of it.
I have been seeing a counsellor but it only calms me down while I am there, but the anxiety starts up again after I leave. There are times where I have to fill out a questionnaire before my sessions with my counsellor and came close to being classified as clinical depressed. Sometimes, I do not care what happens to me, not to the point where I'm suicidal but I just don't care if I lived or died. I am trying cognitive therapy but I am worried that my negative thoughts are so entrenched in my brain that I am not sure if I can change my negative thoughts into positive thoughts. I was not like this before I was menopausing. I used to be happy go lucky and not overly sensitive to things. I have always been insecure but not to this degree. It's almost as if menopause had amplified my feelings of insecurity. I am really tired of feeling this way. My anxiety, insecurities, emotional roller-coaster have begun to run my life. Would a low dose antidepressant help me? If so what kind of antidepressant works best for anxiety/mood swings due to menopause. However, I am concerned that the antidepressant would desensitize me too much. I want to be a little numb to my anxieties/insecurities but not a zombie (i.e. not being able to feel anything at all). I do understand that once I am on an antidepressant that I more than likely not be able to come off them.
Any assistance, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.