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The Toilet Paper Article of the Week: Knock ‘Em Dead Kid

Posted Feb 05 2010 3:00am


Here’s an article from our friends over at The Toilet Paper. To subscribe to their free ball busting daily newsletterclick here.

Most 16-year-old girls are concerned about pimplespromand being popular. For Californian teenager Abby Sunderlandbeing hi-jacked by piratescrushed in blinding squallsor starving to death top the list.

Last Fridaythe young sailor hopped aboard her boat Wild Eyes and set out to be the youngest person to sail around the world. Crazy? You bet your sea cock. But with social networkingbullyingpregnancy pactsgang violenceand all the other dreck facing many teenage girls attending high school todayspending 150 days on a boat alone doesn’t sound so dangerous.


24,500 – Miles of Abby’s planned trip. Some items she will be taking with her are some booksher iPoda couple of camerasand six months of dehydrated food.

We’d throw on 40 skids of beer for ballast.


“A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard.”

Herman Melvilleauthor of Moby Dick

Solike a paper on harpoon maintenance and a final on scurvy? What’s the big deal?



noun. 1. Sailing or flying around; making the circuit by navigation. 2. Preliminary fly-by the doctor does before snipping the turtleneck off your wang.


Abby’s brother Zac Sunderland was 17 when he sailed around the world on a 36-foot Islander sailboat he bought for $6,000. It took him 13 months and 2 days. His sister plans to do it in 5 months. No one likes a one-upperAbby.

The List

The Young and Ambitious

Braxton Bilbey7 – Youngest person to swim from Alcatraz to San Francisco. No that is not shrinkagefolks; he is seven.
Victoria Rae White10 – Youngest person to ski on all seven continents. Incredibly difficult to dounless of course your parents are … rich!
Adám Lörincz14 – Youngest person to compose a musical. Surprisingly still picked last for kickball.
Katie Walter17 – Youngest person to reach the South Pole. It is unknown whether or not she did it for the cute winter outfit.

For more in-your-face news blastsclick here to subscribe to The Toilet Paper now.

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