This is a guest post by Joseph Matthews from Art of Approaching, a hands-on guide to picking up any woman.
Has this ever happened to you?
You go out with some buddies for a night on the town, hoping to meet a girl to have some fun with. You head to a bar, get a booth, and order drinks. The place is kickin’, and you and your buddies are having a good time looking at all the pretty girls… except nobody is meeting any them. You want to talk to them, but you feel more comfortable sitting around with your friends talking about how you would like to go home with a girl that night. Instead, you all end up leaving the same way you came in – together.
This is a pretty common occurrence among the lovelorn bachelor. This is a symptom of what I like to call the “comfort zone.”
Basically, everyone has a comfort zone. This is a state of mind where people are surrounded by that which is FAMILIAR. Familiarity breeds complacency, which can keep you from taking the action necessary to achieve your goals, because that action introduces uncertainty into your life – something the comfort zone likes to keep at bay.
So when you want to meet a woman, you need to know how to break out of this comfort zone.
How do you do this?
The answer is self-evident: You must learn to meet women BY YOURSELF!
Friends can be a great asset, but most of the time, going out with friends actually HINDERS your ability to meet women. Not just because of the comfort zone factor, but because other guys who don’t know what they’re doing with girls can actually ruin the interactions you have with them – be it by jealousy or ineptitude. So the best way to counter this is to LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND.
But the prospect of going out by oneself can strike fear into the hearts of men. After all, doesn’t going out by yourself signal to everyone that you’re a loser with no friends? Doesn’t it make you look creepy?
The answer to both these questions is:
The simple act of going out on your own can shake your comfort zone, because you have no anchors to keep you there. Often your friends will act as an anchor to your comfort zone that keep you from approaching women. And it is easier to break out of this comfort zone without those anchors present. Plus, you don’t have to worry about failing with women and being judged by your friends if they’re not around.
But the most powerful thing about going out by yourself is that it puts your focus on what you are doing. This means that every interaction you have is without distraction, so it is more easily examined and the problems you had are more easily identified. This allows you to spot your sticking points more quickly and correct them.
Not only that, but being out by yourself gives you the freedom of flexibility when it comes to where you’re going and who you talk to. If you’re bored with a place, you can leave and go to another one. If you want to talk to a girl who your friends might poke fun at you for, you can. Not only this, but you’re free to mess up the interactions you have, because chances are, no one there will ever see you again, so you don’t have to worry about what others think of you.
But like all things, knowing what to say will help you to go out by yourself and succeed at increasing your ability to approach. There are many examples of Openers to say in my book The Art of Attraction, but some guys will need to know how to handle the inevitable question “Where are your friends?”
Something I’ve used to great effect is the answer “Oh, they’re around.” This simple dismissive statement not only answers the question, but as far as anyone knows, you’re telling the truth.
But if you want to take it a step further, I’ve even used this as an Opener at times I’ve been out by myself.
The “My Friends Ditched Me” Opener
This works good whenever you’re out somewhere by yourself. Basically, you approach your target or a group, and say:
“Hey guys, you won’t believe this. All week, me and my friends have been planning on going out and having a good time, because we’ve all been busy and we wanted to blow off some steam. So we made plans to go out tonight, right? Well, one by one they call me up and say stuff like “I’m too tired,” or “My girlfriend wants to watch a movie,” and stuff like that. Some friends huh? Bunch of lame-o’s. But I’m thinking there might be something more to this, because last week two of my friends had a knock-down drag out fight over some girl they both like, so the situation is all weird. Do you guys have any friends who got split up by someone they both liked?”
Using this, you set the stage that you’re out by yourself because, well, unlike your friends, YOU’RE not lame! Not only that, you throw in a nice Drama Opener in there to engage the group.
And if you’re still too shy to go out by yourself, then try this little trick:
When you go out with your friends — DITCH THEM. Go off on your own and leave them behind for a while, then meet up with them later. This can be quite an effective method if your friends don’t mind you leaving!
If you don’t know what a Drama Opener is, check it out in my book The Art of Approaching. It’s got TONS of openers and other things to say so that you never have to worry about how you’re going to meet women again. If you’re one of those guys who gets tongue-tied around beautiful girls, or if your mind likes to “blank” out on you, then you definitely need to check out my book right now by clicking below:
Once you learn the secrets I unleash in my book, you’ll know how to meet any woman, any time, anywhere you may be – whether you’re alone or not!