This was emailed to me by Rhodey (of Coffee Break) and I don’t know who to credit for this. Anyway, it’s fun and suits this blog, so I’m posting it. Take note of my name ANTHONY, but I’m very sure I don’t smell like wee. Hahaha.
Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Able - totally useless.
Adam - not very bright and not very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene.
Adolph - uses very clever humour which nobody else laughs at.
Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Ahsan - seems to have a lot of money, doesn't like spending it.
Aidan - Quiet, shy, and yet the girls love him.
Aiden - Quiet, shy and yet the boys love him.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat.
Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets
Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet.
Andres - women adore him, a shame he prefers goats.
Andrew - Intelligent yet not as much as he thinks, severely stuck up .
Andy - One of the boys, always the first one up for a dare/pint/curry/moon.
Angelo - Womaniser as a hobby, will eventually settle down with a boyfriend.
Anton - Enjoys life, maybe enjoys food a little too much?
Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Looks in the mirror too much.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.
Archie - fun loving guy, but not too bright.
Arnold - puts on a brave face, but never gets the breaks.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.
Ashley - Secretly shy, yet a very good actor.
Avenir - reads too many fantasy books, wears armour to bed.
Bailey - puts up too many walls and never lets anyone inside.
Baron - Reads SAS books, wants to go out and shoot something or somebody.
Barry - lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung.
Barnaby - very big, very strong and very gentle, cries a lot.
Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.
Bernard - enjoys gardening, real ale, and facial hair.
Bill - thinks he's really popular, thinks all the girls want him ... he's wrong.
Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his fingers.
Bobby - very blokey, can only talk about cars and imaginary girlfriends.
Brad - short and squat, has bad breath.
Bradley - snobbish yet has no idea what personal hygiene is.
Braden - Drop out and doesn't care, will set record for longest employee at McDonalds.
Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Not very academic.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brendon - doesn't do anything, complete waste of space.
Brent - class 'A' knob, and yet still manages to get the girls.
Brett - world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, he's just a very naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.
Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.
Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.
Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.
Byard - Delusional neurotic, but amusing during his more sane periods.
Callum - tall and geeky, very defensive.
Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron - Australian. Big muscles.
Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex.
Carlo - dark and brooding, for some unknown reason girls seem to like him!
Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.
Casey - quiet, spends a lot of time wearing his sisters clothes.
Chad - Good looking jock - only found in American movies, no real person has this name.
Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christen - so straight he won't even hold his own dick in the bathroom.
Christian - Gay but very sexy and seductive.
Christopher - bit of a Mommy's boy and always will be.
Chuck - Heavy on testosterone, light on brains.
Clarence - Too shy to come out of the closet.
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problems with 'jail-bait'.
Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.
Clive - train spotter ... dull as ditch water
Cole - nice, funny, and very stupid.
Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Connor - thick as 2 short planks, but can be amusing to watch.
Conor - arrogant, just assumes that the world owes him a living.
Cory - funny but ugly, probably end up running a fashion magazine.
Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.
Crispin - Ugly homosexual. Fancies himself. Successful
Curtis - needs constant mothering and reassurance.
Cyrus - Big and loud, often forgets to bathe.
Dale - effeminate and yet strangely attractive to the ladies.
Damien - spawn of the devil, but in a good way.
Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Danny - Wears stylish clothes and has silky women's underwear beneath them.
Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darrell - bit of an outsider, but knows a lot of secrets.
Darren - large, quiet, gentle and always smiling.
Darwyn - exercises too much, favorite word Ug
Daryl - pompous and overbearing, likes using big words that only he understands.
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker.
David - kinda quiet and shy, but alright when you get to know him.
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dele - well endowed likes blondes. Looks in the mirror too much
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and a blow-up doll collection.
Dillon - Stupid but well-built, women just use him for sex.
Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please anybody.
Don - dickhead, nobody likes him.
Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.
Drew - bad-assed loser who never shuts up.
Duffy - has his brains in his trousers, everything he does is aimed at getting himself sex.
Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.
Dylan - horny. bastard, who can't sing.
Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Earl - parents dressed him in cowboy gear, now he just wants to ride.
Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an arsehole.
Eddy - old fashioned and probably too polite to get too much sex.
Edgar - serious 'suck-up' to the boss, brown-noser.
Edward - would rather bath naked with his team mates than with a girl.
Elis - would rather make model airplanes than have sex.
Elliott - full of himself.
Eric - has many anecdotes about the past.
Erwin - bit of a gossip, all the girls like him but only as a friend.
Ethan - used in hospitals when the anesthetist isn't in.
Eugene - the guy everyone tries to avoid in the bar.
Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and a model mental patient.
Fernando - what he loses in size he makes up for in enthusiasm and stamina.
Finn - Completely indecisive, suffers terribly with Catholic guilt.
Frank - single helix DNA and it shows.
Fraser - sucks pigs dicks & swallows the lot.
Frederick / Fred / Freddie - wants to rule the world. Loves women
Fritz - Loves playing games. Never wins.
Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight. Can't play rugby.
Garon - Big, gentle, and not very bright.
Gary - drug addict but willing to share.
Garry - forever fiddling with himself and wonders why no-one will shake hands.
Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Gene - cheerful soul, likes to dance.
Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
Geoffrey - a tad anal, but dresses well and looks okay.
George - barman who drinks more than he serves.
Gerry - quiet and insecure, a doormat.
Gilbert - Morris dancer, collects antique sweet wrappers.
Gilleathain - Scottish zombie back from the dead to continue scaring sheep.
Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth. Good teacher. Crap in bed.
Glyn - not really into boys or girls, but fond of sheep.
Gordon - big bloke in a dirty raincoat, kinda flashy.
Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex.
Graham - will screw anything that moves.
Grahame - thinks he's better than other Grahams because he has an extra 'e'.
Grant - Short and ugly! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg - really sweet and feels suicidally sorry for himself.
Gregor - Head of his own secret society for world domination.
Guy - Fun to be with but only just manages to stay the right side of psychotic.
Harry - Good at sport. Women love him. Blokes hate him.
Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.
Haydn - tries hard, succeeds rarely.
Heinz - Likes variety in his life. In his fifties. Overweight.
Henry - dull, dull, dull, dull ... likes trains and tweed jackets, probably a science teacher.
Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.
Howell - sings too much, hasn't got the voice for it.
Hugh - pretends he's posh, he isn't.
Ian - likes to stuff animals and dress up in women's clothing.
Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.
Izzy - circumcised, but they threw away the wrong bit.
Jacob - serious and studious and boring.
Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie - Devious scum of the earth.
James - can't handle his beer, smells of mayonnaise and is decidedly flatulent.
Jarrod - Arrogant, stuck-up, pompous and annoying. Loves himself totally and has lots of mirrors.
Jason - Gayer than a pink fairy winning a trophy at the gayest pink fairy competition.
Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well. Which is a problem because he has bad breath.
Jaz - Loud and annoying but seems to do well with the ladies.
Jed - Good looking, fun, and not very bright (but thinks he is)
Jeff - really ugly.
Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.
Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack - stupid but hot to the ladies, one of the lads.
Jeremiah - very clever, very dull.
Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection but wanks too much.
Jimmy - Goes to the toilet twice a night, doesn't always get up for it.
Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head. Bisexual
Joel - arse.
John - has few friends and no life - tends to kill small animals.
Jon - Not too bright will end up married to a cousin.
Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.
Jonathan - think he's good - he's shit. Looks in the mirror too much.
Jordan - sexy but weird in bed. Hung like a wildebeest.
Jorge - talks slowly, dresses down, and yet nice.
Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh - full of himself, fun.
Julian - used to be a wooden boy, but is now almost real with a big nose.
Junior - Not very clever, but good at football.
Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful and overweight.
Kain - one of the sexiest guys alive but very stuck up.
Kasey - has a knack of getting girls far better than anyone would expect.
Keegan - always has a bit of his last meal displayed on his clothes.
Keiran - Good looking, clever and popular ... surely he must be gay?
Kev - lager lout, wears cheap and loud clothes.
Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends and then loses them when they see his dick!
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.
Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.
Kerry - wants to be in a boy band but he's not pretty enough.
Kirk - good looking, worries that he might be gay.
Kurt - can kick anyone's arse.
Kyle - couch potato who eats too many cornchips.
Lance - appears to be heterosexual, but no-ones really sure.
Larry - cute, but a wannabe player with big arse.
Laurey - short and funny looking.
Lawrence - one of the lads, but very opinionated.
Lee - much too pretty to be a bloke, that's why he stuffs socks down the front of his trousers.
Leo - Thinks he's a real man's man, but cries at any slightly sad film scene.
Les - Jovial in a loud way, dressed in a loud way.
Levi - same as Lee only not so pretty.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser. Welsh
Liam - loud mouthed arsehole.
Louis - strange bloke but the ladies find him intriguing.
Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas - pretty boy, more attractive to blokes than women.
Luke - seems to be sweet.
Lyndon - good dresser and knows it, very vain.
Madison - so far up his own arse there's no room for his boyfriend.
Malcolm - tall man with a tendency to lose his trousers, but only in male company.
Marc - Quiet and troubled, stands in the corner at parties.
Mario - loves his food and is expanding rapidly.
Marion - tough guy, has to be with a name like that.
Mark - Good looking and very clever. Every woman wants him.
Marko - Smart guy, very quick, particularly in bed.
Marshall - Never seems to age, this is because he is in fact an android!
Martin - Stud. Loves himself. Would make a good lawyer.
Marvin - hilarious, life and soul of the party, shame he smells faintly of urine.
Matthew - serious type, enjoys filing things.
Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of shit.
Matty - Life and soul of the party, could get a corpse dancing.
Medan - Not too bright on the surface but with hidden depths.
Menno - built like a horse. Will only do it doggy-style.
Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl. Doesn't like to work too hard. Sexual deviant
Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mike - strong silent type with a talent for finding excellent web sites.
Mintesh - boy racer, the arsehole who drives with the stereo too loud and the windows down even though it's cold!
Miriam - screwed up, parents never even gave him a chance.
Mitchell - big bloke, sweats a lot, usually pure alcohol.
Mohammed - small penis, but still really enjoys playing with it.
Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Neil - sweet and will do anything in the world for you, great in bed but only on his own.
Niall - works tirelessly undercover for the government, good at keeping secrets.
Nick - enjoys basic sex but can't get past the missionary position.
Nigel - wannabe librarian, gets an erection if he's in the same room as a woman
Noel - only goes out with girls so that he can steal their clothes.
Oliver - likes men but is in denial.
Oscar - complete loser, hated by his parents.
Otis - much prefers food to women.
Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.
Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.
Peter - Likes sheep more than girls, will probably end up married to a relative.
Philip - homophobic, image conscious twat, likes to fuck poodles.
Poe - body odour problem that nobody will tell him about.
Ramsey - thinks he's posh but is actually a knob.
Raymond - doesn't like to be called Ray because it sounds too 'straight'.
Regan - strong tough and butch, treats his boyfriends nice though.
Rehan - Spends a lot of time hanging around outside schools.
Rene - Thinks he's a bit of a playboy, in reality more of a plough-boy.
Reynaud - enjoys big gestures and likes to be talked about.
Rhys - Overbearing, arrogant control freak.
Richard - hasn't seen his feet or his penis in years, very fat.
Ricky - Tending to fat and smelly, not exactly popular.
Rikki - see above, but can't even spell.
Rob - constantly watches porn.
Robert - Serious type, or put another way he's as dull as ditch water
Robin - Ugly and not very bright, probably a teacher.
Rocco - South American drug-lord, likes goats.
Roger - acts like a wanker when drunk ... Permanently drunk!
Ron - Big tough bloke with a soft spot for babies and kittens.
Rory - men are only nice to him so they can talk to his sister.
Ross - A geek role-model, happiest watching steam trains or chatting about them on line.
Roy - total loser and computer genius.
Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole. Pantomime dame
Ryan - short and stout, but popular.
Sam - wannabe sex machine.
Sandeep - complete anorak, owns a metal detector.
Sean - thinks he's James Bond, in reality a dipstick.
Scott - has serious disabilities. Likes winter sports
Sean - has small deformed testicles and no friends.
Sebastian - enjoys dressing up, well groomed, but a bit old-fashioned
Sergio - all round genuine nice bloke.
Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Shannon - like the, river wet and full of shit.
Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Shawn - small and tidy, often overlooked.
Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.
Sonny - thinks he's tough and proves it with young girls and boys.
Spencer - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin
Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.
Stephen - Mommy's boy.
Stuart - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster
Taylor - Gay, gay, gay, gay ....
Ted - In denial, but quite obviously gay to everyone that meets him.
Terry - small and wiry with a nasty temper.
Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby - best blow ever.
Todd - impeccably dressed, wears a suit to bed.
Tom - cool but can be very arrogant.
Tomas - part-druid, likes to dance round things naked.
Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around. Tendency to megalomania
Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.
Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Tristen - likes to get his own way, prone to tantrums and sulks.
Troy - cute and popular.
Tyrone - Big bloke with a gay mustache, but nobody dares tell him.
Ty - small and kind of shriveled.
Usman - Trustworthy and dependable and seriously boring.
Var - adventurous type, can't sit quietly and so is very annoying.
Venedikt - cool good looking type with a tendency to wear shades indoors.
Victor - megalomaniac with cross-dressing tendencies.
Wade - huge bloke, people jog round him and have to stop halfway for a rest.
Walter - Rich, but with no taste in anything, so the money is a bit of a waste.
Warwick - reliable, strong and caring (and a bit boring).
Wasim - Good at sport. Likes bondage. Intelligent.
Warren - cool, homosexual guy, tends to be a bit of a tramp.
Wayde - likes to be in charge, but couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.
Wayne - wayne-ker!
Wesley - great guy and easy to not notice.
Will - wishes he were popular.
William - not very tall, but ultra-cool.
Yass - a celebrity on his own planet but quite the opposite here.
Zach - sweet and polite and twisted.
Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.
Zane - thinks he's so very cool, but then he always gets everything wrong.