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Medical Notes

Posted Dec 20 2008 9:44pm

It is amazing what the medical profession will write. These are actual statements taken from medical interview records written by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists, and (we are afraid) a doctor or two at major hospitals.

• The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

• The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

• I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

• The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

• Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

• While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

• The skin was moist and dry.

• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

• Patient was alert and unresponsive.

• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

• Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

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