Laugh It Up | Remember The First Time You Bought Condoms?
Posted Dec 02 2008 2:00am
I honestly can’t remember the first or last time I bought condoms. It’s often awkward the first time and just about every time thereafter buying them. Some people would rather get caught shoplifting and steal them than face a little bit of embarrassment and buy them. Putting one on is pretty simple and common sense. Hell the box comes with instructions…but for some people it friggin’ brain surgery. This is a little dirtier than I like to keep it here, but I couldn’t resist. Enjoy.
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 16 years old and went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was a beautiful female assistant behind the counter and she could see that I was new to this. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I answered honestly, “Well, not exactly; this is my first time.” So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to always make sure it was on tight and secure. I nodded yes but apparently I still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was.
“Just a minute,” she said, as she walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?”, she asked. I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head and smile. She then said it was time to put the condom on.
As I slipped it on nice and secure, she undressed and lay back on the desk. “Well, come on”, she said, “We don’t have much time.”
So I climbed up on the desk and started going to work. It felt so good I couldn’t hold back and BAM!!, I was done within just a minute, if even that long.
She looked at me with a puzzled look. “Did you put that condom on?”, she asked.
I said, “I sure did”…and held up my thumb to show her.
All jokes aside. Use a condom and if you’re unsure how to apply it, read the directions.