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Birth Control Patch – Yes, Pandora in all her glory…

Posted Jan 23 2012 8:56am

I'm a simple man. I like titties and beer . So said Frank Zappa, and I concur… with the whole simple thing. But thanks to some double standards in society now, men aren't allowed to look at a woman's tits even if she's wearing a tee that usually fits a third-grader.

It's just as pretentious as the phrase "Don't fuckin' use bad language"… which is what I say when a woman tells me to not swear so much – as if she knew how much is enough! Incorrigible, I know… but I'd like to know who made these rules in the first place!

But I'll tell you who gets away with murder, ladies… the ass-men as opposed to milk-men… there's no need for subtlety there, not unless you have eyes at the back of your head…

And bachelors… which is why I'm still unmarried… and am enjoying these times for however long it will last… and then, it'll be time to hide the forks and knives once that delightful time of the month comes…

Not unless she's had many years of experience as a "knife thrower" at the local circus… and even then, she'll catch you offguard, and perform an incisive surgery into that thick skull of yours before you can get spew out the expletive in the phrase "What the…".

(Someone's counting the number of f***s I've used so – am hoping these three stars would cause them to lose count!)

And it's just as harrowing when a woman tells you that she's going to "throw up" the next morning, after a long long night of telling you how much of a cave-man you are…

Oh yes, your goose is cooked, pal… "daddy cool" and all that jazz! Time to bail, you spineless prick, right? Medication never looked so good, now would it? For the clinically insane, of course…

Until you find out – it was something that she ate that didn't agree with her stomach, and it had nothing to do with your manhood…

Of course, she took the pill… because she's anything but as stupid as you are! And this time, it's a birth control patch that she used…

Birth Control Path – Pros & Cons

Called the Ortho Evra Patch, it's considered to be 99 % effective (some daggers miss, you know) but should not be used by women on antibiotics or who are overweight.


#1: Once you place this patch in the butt or abdominal region area, you won't have to worry about remembering to take a pill every time you're in the mood. Of course, the condom companies timed it perfectly because most numbskulls kill themselves trying to open a packet containing a condom.

#2: Periods are shorter and lighter – meaning no knife throwing fantasies.

#3: Reduced risk of ovarian and endometrial cancer .

#4: Works as a prevention against etopic pregnancy and pelvic inflammatory disease.


#1: Skin reactions – and we know how touchy women can get when this happens.

#2: Bleeding during periods, headaches and mood changes are known to occur

#3: No protection against sexually transmitted diseases

#4: Women suffering from depression will only worsen it, if they use this birth control patch

Oh, and you have to remove the patch when that "dagger throwing" time of the month is nigh…

In Closing

And Zeus continues to laugh, for setting Pandora in all her glory, in the midst of mortal men… so much for fighting fire with fire, huh?

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