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Melissa M. Patient Expert

Austin, Texas
I blog to keep sane. I am amazed how funny my misadventures and fail attempts of reaching super mommy status are. In the moment…not very funny, but when I am sitting down typing on the keyboard with a nice chilled glass of wine next to me. I can’t help but giggle! I... Full Bio
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Hair is a battlefield by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting My sweet little redhead, I want you to know that I love you.  You keep me on my toes and give me plenty of fodder for my blog.  Perhaps I overreacted a tad bit when y ... Read on »
Goodwill Hunting by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting That is when I came to the realization that this dress was not for me, and the designer obviously doesn't know her sizes.    Gently tugging on the expensive zipper, it slo ... Read on »
Worst day of her life by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting "This is the worst day of my entire life," my daughter sobs.  Her eyes are red and streams of tears are dripping down her cheeks.  My darling daughter, I hope this rea ... Read on »
Kicking it old school by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting A few days ago I was talking to a friend about playgrounds and how "safe" they have become.  We began reminiscing about the play equipment of the past.  After our ch ... Read on »
Skanky by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting When I was younger,  I sort of wanted to be the chick standing next to the car at car shows.  You know the one the one that poses by the car while it slowly rotates.   So wh ... Read on »
Full Circle by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting Kmart, the kiss of death for social status in Junior High.  My Mother’s favorite store for deals, Kmart.  My utter loathing of the store, epic. Picture this, ... Read on »
Poopie Head by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting I don't understand this whole sibling dynamic. My brother and I are 10 years apart, I am perfect he is not.  I was an only child until I was almost ten.  I loved my brot ... Read on »
Drama on hold ...for a few hours by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting First day of school, done.  I asked Middle C about her first day of kinder..."I love my teacher, she thinks I am an awesome skipper, just not in the hall." E's co ... Read on »
"WILD" Kingdom Late Night by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting             In our attempt to pack in a few more memories before sending the kid’s off to school, we decide to go to one of our local zoo's.  Our city has the zoo and th ... Read on »
Conversations by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting Scrolled through my Facebook feed and realized that August really did provide me with a few giggles between the bickering, whining, and chaos. ~Apparently, I have bro ... Read on »
Glass of mommy guilt... by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting Middle C's note for her sister The start of school is just two long weeks away.  I feel guilty about saying it, but I am ready.  I announced my feelin ... Read on »
House of ill repute by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting I have been so busy lately that I have neglected my blog.  Have I been busy vacationing, going on dates, blowing money, getting a rock solid body, tanning?  Um… no ... Read on »
Urine your backyard... by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting I'll admit sometimes I look at Middle C and wonder where she came from, and then hubby does something and all I can do is shake my head and shrug my shoulders.  Last w ... Read on »
wax on, wax off by Melissa M. Patient Expert 1 Comment Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting The other day my hubby and I had the state of our union briefing that primarily focused on the budget and spending cuts. He showed me pie-charts and graphs outlining o ... Read on »
Tinkle by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting Just discovered that Middle C has been experimenting with urine collection. I found a bucket in her room this morning.  When I asked her about it she said,"Ummm...I am ... Read on »
Lyrical Genius by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting This morning Middle C age 5, woke me up with a new song that she made up. (to the tune of "I'm Sexy and I know it") Your a Mommy and you know it, You have boogers in ... Read on »
Cleavage Envy by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting If you have ever read my blog, you know that I suffer from T.T. (Tiny Tata's).   T.T. has been an issue in my life for many years , however after three kiddos, I now ... Read on »
Roid Rage, Kentucky, and a Keg by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting Yep, that sums up my weekend...roid rage, Kentucky, and a Keg.  This weekend we hosted our 6th annual Kentucky Derby party. It was touch and go before the party.  I ha ... Read on »
Shades of Brown by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting My girls have been giving me more material for my blog, unfortunately the posts are in my head and have not made it to my computer. So, I thought that I would once again r ... Read on »
My Middle C by Melissa M. Patient Expert Posted in: Blog Posts in Parenting I adore my middle C.  She has always keeps me on my toes and laughing.  I was looking through a few old posts and ran across this gem.  May, 2008 Let me prefac ... Read on »