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Paying attention...to your emotions too! (day 6)

Posted Nov 21 2008 3:08pm

Monday, 26 february 2007 (22.30p.m.)

Tonight I sat by myself before I went to bed. When I sat down I closed my eyes to feel how I was sitting. When I felt I was sitting comfortably I opened my eyes again. I decided not to count my breaths today but instead really focus my attention to my senses. I especially focused on listening and feeling my breathing. This went quite well for a while and I felt at ease. The funny thing was that at times I starting counting again as a habit…without attention…
This happened a couple of times, but I let the counting go and just turned back to feel my breathing, smell the incense and hear the radiator buzzing. A couple of times my mind wandered off to my job. My teacher at the meditation group tells us often “to give yourself some time off”, so I used this phrase to remind myself to really give myself s ome time off and to just sit. I repeated the word "free" a couple of times in my head, but soon my mind was wondering off again. At a certain point I was thinking or maybe even dreaming a bit that I was back in Peru. I have lived there for three months almost two years ago for my study. During my meditation I started thinking about the first time I arrived to the city Huaraz where I have lived. I could see myself standing outside the bus again with my big pack. Although I did not have an easy time in Peru I really liked this city and felt quite at home there. All of a sudden a sad feeling came over me. I really started to miss the city and felt sort of homesick. Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt emotional. This brought my attention back to the present again and I started focusing on my breathing. I kind of feel happy that this happened because I had not realized I missed my time in Peru this much. It really left a big impression on me and I guess I still have not digested the whole experience. I became calmer although I had to keep my mind away from the subject to not become emotional again. I did not ignore my feelings, but I just did not dive into it. I started counting my exhalations again to become focused on the present again. I must say that the sitting felt good. I did feel my back a bit, but the pain was very much in the background. I sat very still during the whole session and I felt like I was in my own little place…very safe and although a bit emotional, still very happy at the same time.

Hasta la pasta!
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