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How do I slow down? How do I calm down?

Posted Feb 05 2011 10:48pm 1 Comment

 not enough... not enough... I want more... I want to be MORE...    Hurry hurry Hurry.... faster... faster... faster... never enough never enough.. hurry hurry hurry.... I want more... I want more.... I want more.....  not enough time.. not enough time... hurry hurry hurry...

     I'm running........... Running.... running away into the forest..... I'm running so fast even if it kills me... running running....

and it hurts me... the trees scratching me... and blisters on my feet.... and  I run till I cant run anymore...  till I'm crying... and lying on the dirt......

     There is a mirror in the forest, it is near by and I have no strength to run anymore, "thats odd" I think to myself.

     Looking in the mirror at my reflection and I say "not enough".... for only a moment and then I slow and tender song begins to play in the background of my mind and "I stay". /7 Stay just a little bit longer, please please please baby say you will /7  I hear /7 Hello../7 (lionell Richie) and I hear a song coming from heaven it seems, and he is saying hello, "come home, I'm here to save you" .

 I see the reflection I always see, and I feel the urge to look away. But then I hear again a melody Christ is there in the mist and he looks at me and he wispers "this is how I see you...."        /7 For the first time I'm looking through your eyes /7(kenny logins) and I looked deeper and I saw my face light up and I could see my soul connect with my smile and deep into my eyes I saw the me I always wanted to be. 

              I hold out my hand to myself and I say "will you stay with me" and I say through my soul /7 I love the way you love me /7 John Michael Mountgomery              I begin to act out like a mime the things I like about me...

    and I act like a silly clown... I act like a super model... I act like an elegant shining ballerina and I raise my right hand over my head and my left in front of me, and I begin to dance.

            I can fill the warmth of the song fill up my soul and it seems to say "slow...." "softly...."    "slowly"....  "hold your head up high"... "keep your chin up"

"be yourself"  "dance slowly"

I'm looking at myself and I feel like I am beautiful and radiant and shining, and I am twirling and spinning across the dance floor.   /7 Ballerina Girl /7 (Lionell Richie)

 And Christ waits by the door and he watches his watch and I leave holding onto his arm.   /7 Dont forget who's taking you home, save the last dance for me /7 

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   Agh! Money money... I dont have money... bills.... agh help... no money to pay... I gottta pay bills.... I ain't got no money... I ain't even got enough money to run away in my mind, because I'd be buying time and I can't afford to waste time, and I gotta pay off time, gotta pay back all the time I've been wasting on mistakes. money.. money...   agh!

     I slow down and I remember that I am a daughter of God and I look up father help! I can't move! I can't run or walk or move and I can't buy time!

    The sun penetrates across me and the world freezes over.  and I feel tickling in my cheekbones. I magically turn into an eagle and I begin to fly into the distant horizon and I'm free and I'm strong and I'm in control. Music from heaven starts to play " there could never be a father that loves his daughter more than I love you. " /7 Father and Daughter /7 Paul Simon    I'm free, I'm flying high and free.

      I land at a field, a field of dreams. I hear a new song /7 Darlin' , go on in there and pack up all your dreams, cause you'll have all you'll ever need if you go with me. Darlin' when you gonna realise how much I love you. /7   So I turn back into myself and I fill my pockets full of cotton and of all my greatest dreams and wishes and possiblities. There in my field of dreams, and I feel rich!!!!!!!!!! I got lots of cotton!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I hear a new song /7 Money won't get you too far.... money won't get you too far... don't you know.... you can reply on your old mans money, cause your rich girl, and you can rely on your old mans money. /7

  So I picked up cotton off the ground and I threw it in the air and it rained cotton and I knew I was rich because I have a rich father in heaven. I filled my pockets way full of cotton and I knew that life was good.



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