I have just finished a six months post in Manchester. It was not without its trials and tribulations but I won't go into details.
Truth is I am struggling. I want to find the perfect job, but it just does not seem to exist. After the initial honeymoon as you are both learning to trust and work with each other, the period of disillusion ensues. Bureaucracy, timing, rules, uneven work load, everything can play a part.
I am an INFP and I have to deal with it. Myers Briggs tells me that INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists and idealists. Consequently frustration and work dissatisfaction scores highly amongst this particular personality type.
Apparently I just need to accept that idealism can never be wholly satisfying. I had figured that much a long time ago, but how can I change who I am and what I aspire? Why should I accept second best? It bothers me seeing colleagues taking short cuts, compromising best patient care to achieve government target numbers. It is then I behave like a rebel, start to do my own thing and become more isolated in the process. I am not perfect or self indulgent, far form it. But I do value honesty, compassion and kindness. So much seems to be lost in this corporate world.
Give me a team of people who will take the time to listen. Who are ready to change the world. Truth is if I had money I would write and only do charity work. I would join the Medecins Sans Frontières MSF and help those who truly need it. I do not say this out of a completely altruistic nature, or a strong desire to feel needed or craving attention but simply to find a meaningful way to live.
I am selfish just like anybody else. I love beauty and the finer things in life. I like to indulge my family and loved ones with everything that I can offer and shower them with.
I am going for interviews at the moment so I guess it brought all this up once again. I want to make the right decision for a change, to find that perfect job. But it is difficult just before Christmas and the temptation is to accept any job that is offered without looking at the big picture. Particularly in these times of economic recession. So far nothing feels right so I will wait for as long as I can.
After all, I want to work but I also want to be happy. And it is so easy to be over critical and sometimes we forget to be kind to ourselves.