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take away the pain

Posted Jul 25 2011 11:58am

Physical pain- the most debilitating piece of Lyme disease. Anywhere and everywhere, from constant to sporadic, from sudden to slow onset. The physical pain is emotionally and physically draining. It’s a constant reminder that you’re sick. I personally don’t have recollection of what it feels like to not be in pain- to wake up without a back ache, to walk without knee pain, to sit without my neck aching, to write without my wrist and fingers hurting immediately. I actually can’t even imagine life without these pains, it would probably be relieving.

On top of this, I seem to always find myself in cycles of exercise induced pain. I enjoy working myself to the point where I it really, really hurts. I know that soreness after working out is a good thing, but despite the extra ailments I actually love it. Although it is uncomfortable, I think that because I actually have control over this pain it makes the Lyme aching easier. The sense of control over my body and feeling makes me feel more powerful against disease, like I almost have the ability to drown it out. It doesn’t seem logical, but to me it is. You will never find me sitting in the bathroom cutting myself with razors, but I guess this is comparable to the purpose of that. To experience pain that you control, is a lot better than experiencing pain that controls you.

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