Today, April 1, 2012 a discovery of epic proportion is reported in the previously unknown journal "Raising Spirochetes for Fun and Profit". It has come to light that the ventilation system at the CDC headquarters has been actively spreading spirochetal particulate for many decades. The source is a multispecies biofilm, the size of a minivan, located deep in the core of the building occupied by the Epidemiological Investigation Service. The environment in this area appearsquite unique for its ability to support this specific pathogen. The model of co-evolution has been suggested to explain this complex symbiotic relationship with the EIS. Curiously a yellowing calendar on the wall says 1975, and appears surrounded by the slimey mass.
In a possibly related, and previously unreported event, Otzi the iceman was found to have an EIS membership card in his pocket.
Infallable two tier testing reveals that all those having spent time in this EIS area, along with their long term associates, are themselves infected with the bacteria.
In ways still yet to be understood, those carrying the pathogen directly from this source have been turned into a "zombie type" creature whose only function appears to be to assist the bacteria in conquering the entire planet creature by creature.
The very ability to detect the bacteria in tests, to treat it, or even acknowledge that it can exist outside this enormous EIS globule in Georgia, has been suppressed visciously (downregulated actually) by the zombies and their small but powerful group of minions.
Most concerning is the rumor that these minions have gained access to key positions in state licensing boards, insurance companies, major universities, government offices worldwide; including the CDC itself, and editorial staff of medical journals, to assure that the bacteria can continue to spread without resistance.
Except for the first ‘discovery’ of this bacteria during the Ford Administration, zombies appear to arrive in all areas ahead of the actual bacteria itself so the bacteria can become well established before the population, or its treating doctors are adequately informed.
Possibly using 'quorum sensing', the bacteria wait until the zombies have declared an area to be free of the bacteria before attacking on a large scale. A large world map on the wall shows checkmarks over every country, and ‘coming soon’ over Antarctica.
Scientists report that any individual or group that attempts to inform the public of this event slowly becomes isolated from mainstream by the Zombie Thought Police (ZTP) unless they themselves form a strong team and work together in large numbers to coordinate a response. This response has yet to reach a tipping point, as most of the groups themselves are struggling with the pathogen load, which appears to disrupt key proteins essential for cooperation.
Anyone with additional information regarding these zombies (and/or their minions) is requested to forward reports as they become available. (Please include your license number and state licensing entity).
Your humble reporter and fully stocked spirochete reservoir;
Editor, review board, & sole writer of Raising Spirochetes for Fun and Profit
~Published annually (April First) from Austin Texas, (paid subscriptions 0)
~Critiques of above article will be read carefully before shredding or deleting
~Authors currently sought for 2013 publication--Zombie and minion sponsored articles go straight to print, no time consuming analysis needed
~Portions of this report may have been written while under the influence of biotoxins
~Any connections to reality are purely coincidental and result from my own private hallucination
~No group hallucinations were used as sources for this article
~No spirochetes were harmed in the making of this report (unfortunately)
~Feel free to forward until midnight, April 1, then delete for best results
See ya next year!!
~(Is April Fools Day just an American concept, or worldwide?)