i’ve only recently started to believe this. for a good...
Posted Jan 17 2012 6:02pm
i’ve only recently started to believe this. for a good while i was legitamitely scared for my life when it came to how sick i am with Lyme disease and all the co-infections. worrying and fear might just be my 2 biggest weaknesses.
i’m not afraid anymore though. i taught myself to believe that everything is going to be okay. especially now that i have been off all my medication and treatment for Lyme, Babesia and Bartonella and i STILL havent relapsed. (thats 2 months now!!)
I remember the night i spent in the ER, being told i had to stop with this stuff because it was hurting me (and clearly internal bleeding and severe pain were true indicitors, rather than just an arrogant doctor telling me so because he doesn’t believe in my disease). i remember right after i found out about the bleeding, but before i was even in the hospital, i was petrified- crying, freaking out, anxious, because i knew what was in store for me when it came to my protocol. i feared a relapse more than anything, because i feared dying from Lyme disease.
anyways, like i said, 2 months have gone by. im happy for the first time in a while, i havent relapsed, i havent died, and the best part.. i’m not afraid anymore. of anything (except for maybe drowning or being kidnapped, etc.) but im not afraid to die. all my life i was most afraid of how i was going to die over anything. and i guess maybe once you actually believe that you are going to die a certain way, once you actually get THAT scared, and then there’s a glimpse of hope showing you that it isn’t gonna happen exactly when or how you believed it was, you begin to realize, that fear is a lot smaller than you are.
i wish i could make everyone see this. especially everyone who is sick with Lyme disease or something right now and think that they are going to die from it. i don’t think you are going to die from it. i think you’re strong enoug to survive. so don’t be afraid. everything’s going to be o.k.