Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. It all hurts. I am so exhausted that I can’t even get the dishwasher loaded or a load of laundry in and it is piling up. Yesterday I drove for an hour trying to find my way to my big guys sleepover. We saw a new doctor yesterday near St. Cloud, an hour and 20 minutes away. The drive was full of stress and I couldn’t get West and East and North and South to compute in my head, nor could I get brain to respond with kindness or calmness.
I’m having trouble with this pacing thing. Today I went to yoga from 9:30 – 11 and then taught my second week of teen girl yoga at a local Mosque. Class was really hard today. I could do most of the poses but I shook like crazy after my handstands, my blood pressure dropped several times during the course of the class and I was a wreck when I left.
But I learned something big today. Revelation, if you will. I’m not going to find an overnight cure. Unless I have a miracle or I wake up dead, it ain’t going to happen. My Dr. assures me that I will be well someday. I need to remember that there are two big lessons here, and they aren’t miracles or death. They are patience and courage.
My yoga teacher creates a space for me to practice both of my lessons. And I am so blessed.
I’m still working on understanding friendship and Lyme Disease. How do I ask for support without being a burden? How to I reach out without stepping forward in shame? How do I stretch and grow and heal and get support at the same time.
Lessons. It is all about the lessons, like them or not.