There are only a few hours left in the year and I find myself feeling unsettled. There are "things" in my life that are unresolved, and it makes me feel...mmmmm....restless? Frustrated? I think unsettled is the best description. I am a person who likes things in their place. All my ducks in a row. Nothing left undone, everything neatly resolved. I know, you would think by age 62 1/2 I would have realized this is not realistic!
I have been thinking about 2010...the year I claimed as my "year of healing". I was so determined to get well and live a calm and normal life because I wanted it to be that way. Surprise! It seems more like we went through an earthquake with a few aftershocks! January through March was spent seeing several doctors and by the third week of March I was having surgery for uterine cancer~ by June I was dealing with more vision issues and elevated eye pressures ~ by July I was experiencing the worst neuropathy ever ~ by October I was going through another CT to rule out lymphoma. Joel continues to need disability and we both continue to live in a Lyme World. On Christmas Eve we were informed of a family crisis that has caused our family great stress. Really, Lord? Weren't you listening to my instructions?
Joel and I find ourselves tip-toeing into 2011. I asked Joel how he felt about a new year coming? His response was the same as mine~ cautiously hopeful. Like Dominique, I have been trying to look back at the blessings that have bloomed out of our rocky soil as a result of the earthquake this past year, and there have been so many.
The cancer is gone, no lymphoma was found, my eyes are being treated, the neuropathy is less than before, and Joel and I have seen some improvements in our health. Our Thanksgiving family gathering was wonderful! There is not enough time to list all the blessings!
Yes, the family crisis continues along with the continual check-ups to rule out any return of cancer. We continue our battle with Lyme and its buddies, and Joel still needs to be on disability while I still spend most of my time at home. Yet, on the large scale of ups and downs, I think we came our ahead as usual! And the truth is, we can never have all our ducks in a row, nor all things resolved. Life is messy, but it is still wonderful.
So, with humility (no more claims of getting well on my time schedule), hope, and a bit more wisdom we tell 2010 a final good-bye, and look ahead to the adventures 2011 will bring.