My brain is functioning like scrambled eggs -- I can't seem to hold a thought. I tried to make lists and I'll forget one or two things before I can even write them down! I had multiple blog posts I wanted to make and couldn't bring anything together coherently ... then I thought. Many of you will be able to identify with this! Many more can problem learn more about it, so why not post the scrambled eggs in my brain. However, I do forewarn you that it's a bit wharbled compared to my normal posts!
I'm not sure I've completely recovered from my mom's visit a few weeks ago -- not because her visit was so exhausting, but because I haven't slowed down enough to appropriately recover. Which leads me to something I've been wanting to blog about --
... the difference between sleepiness, tiredness and fatigue. I like to think of sleepiness as something everyone experiences. You're eyes are droopy, you yawn, and you want to just lay down and take a nap. Whereas tiredness usually implies being tired from an activity. Merriam-Webster defines it as drained of strength or energy. Everyone has been tired after working really hard, finishing a hard workout or mentally challenging task. One who is tired has used up a considerable part of his or her bodily or mental resources You can be tired without being sleepy and sleepy without necessarily being tired. Fatigue, on the other hand , is beyond all of that. In reference to Lyme Disease and CFS, it's an exhaustion that isn't helped by sleep. No amount of sleep is restorative ... it's clinically called "unfreshing sleep" for a reason. It's not just about being unrevitalized physically, but mentally as well. You live in a constant state of being run-down with a consistent level of brain disfunction.
When folks ask me about Acupuncture, I usually explain that it's the most rejevenating nap I've ever had. Without it, I'm not sure I would ever leave the house. There are days when getting up, eating breakfast and getting dressed are all I can manage. After that I need a nap. Acupuncture minimized these days. I may not get completely dolled up to go out and about, but I at least get out. I run errands, take my son to the park, go to the grocery store, etc.
The week after my mom left, my husband and I walked in the Wharf to Wharf. It's a race that I do every year (have for 8 years) and since we've been married, Mike as done it with me. It's a tradition we want to include Adam in on, also. This is the first year that I've walked it. I barely made the time limit ... 2 hours. (I can rememeber when I was shooting for doing it in under one hours -- wow, what a difference. During the walk my knees started to hurt; interesting since I usually get hip and lower back pain and tightness. The day after, my muscles hurt like I'd worked out ... since when is a walk a workout? Since this disease!
Last weekend, Mike and I went to Mendocino for our anniversary. We didn't do much of anything. The goal was to have a relaxing time -- getting away from the house and the reminders of laundry and dishes that need to be done. Adam stayed with his grandma. Somehow, even though we didn't do much, I still came back fatigued. Exhausted beyond what any amount of sleep can refresh. I think I'm realizing that it's that way no matter what. You can relax, but as soon as you do anything - you're tired again. There is no storing up! Maybe that's why my brain is scrambled; I can't remember things long enough to get them on a list; and my post is disjuncted ... it's a good thing I'm not having to write anything for work right now!
Now, if I'll just get back to pacing a little bit so that I can still live life and function slightly more normally - at least normal for me! Maybe my brain will look more like this and less like eggs (or "Oggs" as Adam likes to say!