A much better day than yesterday. Thank goodness. I really appreciate everyone's help yesterday. I needed it. Every comment helped. The experience reminds me of something a friends said to me a long time ago. She was very wise and deeply spiritual. We were talking about prayer, faith, and the existence of God. She said she not only feels God's presence but that God always answers her prayers. I have always been someone who searches, questions, and loves this sort of discussion so I asked her how God answers her. She said she says her prayer and allows herself to hear God's answer through other people or beings. That always stuck with me.
If I feel moved to say something to someone or comment on something I usually say it no matter how insignificant it might seem to be at the time. It might have great significance to the person receiving it or not at all. I felt that I was receiving guidance from people.
The thought of stopping Valcyte yesterday for a few days didn't feel right to me. I decided to take it last night to see what happened. No anxiety. Whew! I even slept okay-not great but much better than the night before. I took 1/2 of generic flexerill in the hopes it would help my muscle cramps. I think it also helped me sleep. I did some reading on various message boards about people's experience on Valcyte and saw that one woman felt that eating when she took Valcayte seemed to help the anxiety. I doubt that will help viral die off (Note: I find it interesting that each defined subgroup of CFS uses different language to describe a similar phenomenon. "Lymies" use the word "herx", "moldies" use the word "intensification reaction," and "virus people" use "viral die off." Since I suffer from all three I'll use either herx or die off.)
This morning I woke up a bit discombobulated I think from the Valcyte and everything. I was a little frightened about what would happen today but decided to think of it as an adventure at home and took another dose of Valcyte. I also started taking a supplement called Gaba Calm. I had a pretty good. I meditated, did relaxation exercises using my ipod, and felt generally pretty peaceful with some exceptions and intermittant nausea. I'm drinking a lot of water and I'm also drinking a green juice drink made up of an apple, celery, cucumber, spinach, the juice of a lemon and a lime,and ginger. It's pretty tasty.
While doing some internet searching I remembered a dream I had over the summer about a pill that was made up of an antiviral, antibacterial, and L-Theanine. It was clear in my dream that this was the pill I needed for treatment. I looked up L-Theanine and it is a calming agent so I'm going to buy some.
The only moment where I felt quite anxious was while on the way to get my blood drawn and had to wait at a long stop light. I started to worry I was going to pass out. I couldn't tell if I was actually lightheaded or anxious. Regardless, the anxiety thoughts started to creep in: "what if I pass out in the car? what if it happens in the middle of the intersection? or oh, no, I'm on Valcyte now so I'll probably faint." So I distracted myself. I read somewhere that if it's dysautonomia that's causing the lightheadedness that holding my abdomen in or jiggling my legs can help with the blood pooling.
I'm behind on emails and other life things.
Last night we opened late Christmas gifts that had arrived from Daphne's mom. They were awesome. I got a beautifully made hummingbird nester. It has instructions on where to put it and when so that hummingbirds will make a nest. It says to put it out on March 1st so that's what I'll do. I love it.
I've got my determination back to beat this thing into submission/remission. I'm also doing visualizations.