Well dear folks, I am beginning again: antibiotic therapy. I have chosen the date of Friday the 13, April, (also my birthday month) to start with it already. However, I am planning deliberately, setting vacuoles of comfort, glamor, and creativity in place. When under the compress of ill, I am like a failing dieter, reaching for simple pleasures that thrust me nowhere. No, I need a series of goals to underline the meaning of what could be a rather tragic next few months.
The most important moral of which I have gleaned from treatment is: do what fulfills you and do no wait. Meaning is nestled in the folds of such fulfillment. I am sick of falling to suicidal ideation. SO, I have been saving and savoring a handful of skills and appropriate teachers for this very moment. Perhaps utilizing that guitar, sitting in the corner of my bedroom for the past four years, will be like a therapy in its own. You see, I am not content with simply one creative vehicle, I desire many. For quite some time, I bemoaned my lack of creative thrust when in all actuality, I was expecting to play sonata when first shedding light on the tuba. Finding then accepting what inspires me has been a multi-month journey; short but arduous. Here is what I am working with now: writing a full length script (under the helping hand of a mentor of mine), designing a clothing collection, learning to sew, journaling relentlessly, and learning the important skill of broad makeup application and wardrobe styling (purple wigs to the clinic).
The creativity is coming back and I finally feel connected to my life. I remember years back, when the ideation neither peaked not valleyed, remained as a block of lead within my flesh, I made myself a bracelet and a promise not to take my life for one year. The beginning was filled with discovery and three months later, I was diagnosed with Lyme.
I have to say, the first thing to go (aside from physical acuteness) is investment in existence. It simply fades. This simplicity is astounding to me, how something so magnificent and natural can vanish like a tea cake.
I am using the space between now and the thirteenth to prepare. These creative, glamorous, and feminine avenues take shape over time but I am forcing them to procreate sooner.
Here is what I am taking Fasigyn 250 mg twice per day Levaquin 50 mg twice per day (a rare side effect is tendon rupture)
Antimicrobial Cocktail Blend: twice daily Artemisinin 200 mg Phospholipid Exchange 1-2 Tbs Cistus Tea, 1 cup Quintessence 6 dropperfulls Mimosa Pudica 1 tsp, 3 times per week