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Some days life stinks

Posted Nov 21 2008 4:20pm

Monday I had my INR done and was pleased to find that it was now 2.3 and so I get a week without injections to see if my INR will stay at the right level with just warfarin. I do so hope that I do not have to have the injections again and that I stay just on tablets.

I don’t know what I have done but Monday night when I was going up stairs to bed I hurt my knee. Did not bend it or twist it, just went to the next step and there was a stabbing pain in my knee and I could not move. I called out but was not heard so my husband found me a few minutes later sitting on the stairs not able to go up or down.

That night I slept really badly and spend all day Tuesday with pain in my knee. Every time I moved it hurt, like a stabbing pain. It is not easy to know what to bother the gp with and what to wait with. I am an optimist and always assume if I ignore it, it will get better. But this is spreading. Now bother knees are really painful and my back is a problem.   The pain was so bad yesterday that I ended up in tears because of it wishing that   I could take time off and actually have a bit of time with no pain.

My second son went to the gp Tuesday and was given some new asthma pumps. He was also given some more options to book up to see an endocrinologist. I made him do it there and then, which he did not want to do, but we went online and found that one of his appointment options was the new hospital that has just opened in our town. It is a small community hospital and the waiting list for there was the shortest one. So he has an appointment booked for 1 st December.

I also got my appointment booked to find out what will be done with the cysts that I have. That is the day after Ian’s appointment, but I have to go 8 miles for a bigger hospital for that.

This morning I got a phone call that I have to attend a medical for my DLA application. It will be next Tuesday at 3pm. There was a choice of time but 9:30am is too early for me. Also our eldest will drive me there as it is a bit far for me and he does not do mornings.

It is a worrying time for me because I have been turned down for DLA twice already. I know that I am not able to do certain things, but it is not easy to prove that you are in pain. I am scared that I will be turned down again; I don’t think I could cope if they accuse me of lying again. I know how bad life is now; I cannot do so many things. I do get down, not depressed, but fed up with the pain and also not being able to do normal things.

It is hard living in constant pain, but it is the other things like not being able to do things. My family live on convenience food a lot of the time because I cannot manage to do simple things like peel veg and stand to cook. My kids are really good at helping with food, especially my 13 year old daughter, but she has homework and does not always have enough time in the evening to cook. Also she is 13 why should she do the cooking? My second son is also a good cook but again he is not well and also he is working part time, so he gets really tired like me. Our eldest son is not able to manage to cook because of his disability. As for hubby, according to the kids he burns salads; I think that tells you what his cooking skills are like.

So now I am worried that I will not be believed again. The idea of DLA is that it helps you to afford things that being disabled end up costing more. Like buying ready prepared veggies.   I have looked up what sort of things they will ask me. It is so embarrassing having to admit how you manage with things like bathing and toileting. For example how many women really want to admit that they cannot manage to bath without help, or admit that it is not easy managing with personal things? Not many people really want to have to tell a stranger personal things, do they?

In the mean time I am in so much pain, I just don’t know what to do with myself. It all hurts even my toes, and nothing that I do is stopping it.

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