My computer went down and i haven't been able to post. thankfully a friend of mine had an extra laptop and i am borrowing that for now.
I don't just want to be known as a a Lupie. Right now at this point in my life I'm not sure who i am.
I know things could be much worse, and I need to be thankful for what I have now, But i feel overwhelmed and in a limbo type state. I would love to know what to do next, to be able to plan anything at this point. I don't have a clue about where my purpose or place is in this world.
I wonder what happens if I can't go back to work, I can't live on what the state gives monthly. Is there a job I can do from home? How will I save for retirement?
Why does the U.S. make things soo hard on people with disabiities? I am sick of explaining to some idiot underwriter at he insurance company (who doesn't have a medical background) about why I'm not working and why I need to be off work. That Lupus actually causes me more grief than it does her.
It is a pain in the butt to explain this is not like having a broken arm, this is Lupus, so a restriction list isnt what i need to be filling out and a letter from my Dr should be enough.
I don't want to have to explain to a future possible date that i have this.
Acceptance is very important, I guess I am not there yet.
Right now i just feel tired. I believe in God and i believe he has his hand on me, i guess i just have to find a way to lay it in his hands and learn how to trust.