I have not been on the blog for a while as I have felt so unwell.
I usually will not admit how bad I feel, got it in my head that people do not really want to know. This was partly because in the early days a woman I have known for years asked me how I was. I told her truthfully that I was feeling really unwell and in a lot of pain. I could not believe her response. As she walked away she said ‘Oh good good…’
Another acquaintance of ours did a similar thing in the early days of me feeling unwell. So since then I have tended to say not too bad, or a bit off, or something similar.
But three weeks ago I had to admit to my husband that I felt really unwell. I told my parents as well. I did not want to say much to them as dad has health worries and I did not want to add to their stress. But of course mothers are not so easily hoodwinked and mum knew that something was wrong. So I admitted that I was in a lot of pain.
I rang the doctors surgery and asked if I could have my INR checked in case that was the reason why I felt so bad.
The nurse checked it and it was ok so I did not know what to do.
By the end of that week I was still feeling like I had a bug and in so much pain that I got an appointment to see the doctor.
I saw my usual doctor and felt as if he had not listened. I don’t know why, but I never feel like he listens to me and believes what I say. He talked about how I had been allowed to go to a clinic at the surgery but should not have been allowed because it was for elderly people who can hardly walk. My husband told the doctor that I could hardly walk and that every step I take is so painful. But the doctor did not respond. I do not know if he does not believe that I am as bad as I say, or if he just does not understand. But every time I see this doctor I come away feeling like nothing has been dealt with. I also feel like I am being a nuisance. This time he gave me a form to get a blood test. But I had to ring the appointment line when I got home and by the time I did it was too late. AS it was Friday I had to wait until Monday before I could ring up for an appointment.
On Monday I rang for a blood test appointment and was told I could get it done on Tuesday. I was still in so much pain. This had gone on for over a week now and also, as I told the doctor I kept going to sleep. It had got to the stage where I was having a nap in the morning and another one in the afternoon.
The lady who did the blood test saw me and said that she was not doing any more tests. Clinic was shutting. I knew she was joking, she recognises me now, I really have had to go there too many times. She knows that it is hard to find a vein and get blood from me. Another woman who was waiting thought it was serious and that she had missed geting her blood tests done. So we ended up talking to her about how they knew me there.
When I finally got my turn for the blood test it was a different lady to the one who recognised me. This lady had been warned that my veins do not readily give up the blood.
I asked if she wanted to know where the best place is. She said yes and when I told her she told me that she did not like to get blood from that vein. She said that it hurts more, but I tried to tell her that if you get blood first time in a more painful site it hurts less than messing around taking two or three goes in a supposedly better place.
She went for another place and much to my surprise drew blood first time. But later I remembered why I don’t like people going there. I ended up with a painful arm and a really big bruise.
Now I had to wait a week for the results. In the meantime I was feeling worse. I would not tell anyone the truth because I was worried and did not feel strong enough to cope with other people’s worry. By that weekend I felt so bad that even simple things like climbing the stairs hurt and left me breathless with my heart pounding. Sunday I went to church with the family. I felt so bad that I just sat in my seat and did not stand when others did. My joints all hurt, and I was having strange feelings. A doctor a while ago called them feelings of disassociation. I call them strange feelings like I am not part of what is going on. A bit like being spaced out. After church we had to get some food shopping. Because I felt bad I had only been sorting out shopping on a day by day basis. I had been making shopping lists and sending someone out to get the food. Mostly it is my husband who gets whatever is on the list.
Whilst at the store I had two episodes where I almost fell over as I overbalanced to my right. I also was tingling inside. Most odd. It was like my insides were fizzing.
That night my husband saw me trying to go upstairs and he realised how awful I was feeling.
I rang the doctors on Monday to see if they had my blood results. The receptionist said my results were that and I needed to see the doctor. All I knew was that they wanted to see me because my blood results had shown something wrong with my U’s and E’s. I managed to get an appointment for today (Wednesday) as my usual doctor did not have any appointment until Thursday I was able to see a different doctor.
Today I went to see the doctor. She was most welcoming and told me that my blood results had shown that I had gout. That would explain the pain. She also said that my liver function test was a bit worrying, but that with APS I need to take statins to help lower the risk of heart attack. The liver function results were not as worrying as not taking statins.
She also gave me a form to go to a local leisure centre for medical fitness training. It is a fairly new thing, and I have rung and arranged to go and arrange what is available and appropriate for me.
It still does not explain why I feel so unwell, but what she told me today would explain why I am so tired.
The good news this week is that I start my next module for my degree course this weekend. I have managed to read one book on the reading list and also rented some audio books from the library. I have listened to two and in the middle of another one and have one more to listen to before they are due back in 10 days. The course is Children’s literature, and I am really looking forward to it.