Yesterday, I went into a depress mode again. It does not help that I am PMSing and so my mood really is on a roller coaster. It started out when I passed by the mirror in our bathroom. I noticed that I can already see my scalp even from a far. I was like, I really don’t have hair anymore? I wanted to wept badly but I have to think of my little girl. I suppressed the tears but I am angry. Angry at my situation, angry at my LUPUS, angry at myself. But I know I have to accept it.
Later, after a few minutes of counseling myself, I am thinking where to buy scarf. haha. I have to still be grateful even if I am loosing my crowning glory. I have experienced this already way back 2002. And at that time I am still working. I have to go outside and deal with the stare of people and their inquisitive look. Thank God it stopped at the right time and my hair grew back. Now, I am thinking. I am luckier this time. Because one I don’t go to the office. I can choose the time to go outisde. Second, I already am married and have a daughter. And third, I have extra funds if ever I really needed to buy wig (oh God, please don’t allow that to happen!).
Yes, I might be loosing strands after strands of hair but I would still prefer it rather than having my internal organs affected by LUPUS. So, yes I am still thankful and hopeful that those strands would be back in no time.