It's a new year and a new semester. It feels like a fresh start, and it feels good.
One more semester before clinical rotations start - yikes!
Only a few months before I take the Boards - double yikes!
Let the countdown begin...
It's been a while since I've been here, and part of that was intentional. I unplugged myself during winter break. I cutback on emails (only checking once a day for urgent notifications), texted only on New Year's Eve (and a mass text as that, so technically only once), and didn't blog for a month. Instead of pouring all of my thoughts out on the page (er, webpage), I felt it. It took me the entire winter break to realize that I had lived a lot of life last semester. All while in the middle of medical school. I hadn't realized how much my grandmother's death had affected me and how much I had compartmentalized it until the end of the break, when I finally felt like myself. I spent the entire time with family. I laughed, the kind of laugh that starts deep in your belly and bursts out with a roar. I learned more about my parents and heard stories about them when they were my age. I found out that my tenacity and belief in love comes from my mother, and that she is so much stronger and braver than she lets on. It's inspiring.
I had felt alone for many months, but I chose to shut that emotion out so that I could keep focusing on medical school. That may not have been the healthiest decision (and yes, I see the irony in that), but I lived and I learned. And hopefully I've come out of it with a little more wisdom and a better sense of how to juggle life. Time will only tell.
So when I returned for the start of a new semester, I kept up with my tradition. I spent the day before classes cooking and stockpiling my fridge like a squirrel foraging for the winter. I made my roasted butternut squash and carrot soup, which was doled out into plastic containers and placed into the freezer for emergency "i have too many exams to cook" dinners. I relied on my trusty slow cooker to produce a bounty of chili to keep me warm and able to work during the dark winter evenings, instead of bundling up under the covers and sleeping the day away. I made a week's worth of lunches in order to spare a few more minutes of sanity during the mad morning rush. I cleared away the junk food that slowly made its away into my cupboards when the stress increased last semester, and replaced it with whole-wheat, multi-grained goodness. I cleaned my whiteboard and wrote down my resolutions for the new year
Do well in your classes
Ace the Boards and move out west
Enjoy the moment and have fun
This semester isn't going to be an easy one, but that's been a running theme throughout this journey - and it's taken me until now to really understand that and appreciate it. But I'm ready as I'll ever be. Are you?