I recently acquired what I call my ‘pirate tooth,’ a crown of gold atop a, now humiliated molar. It was very expensive, so I like to show it off. It can’t be seen unless I pull my cheek back, so showing it off is difficult and gross. But all will appreciate my hard earned tooth! I have one, unrelated half crooked tooth in my mouth and when I first met my new dentist, she looked at me carefully from each side and then determined that the side of my smile without the offending tooth was my “better side.” Well, thank you, that is the angle used in all of my photo shoots. Then she suggested that I get invisalign for my one semi-crooked tooth which I entertained for a second before she said it was $4000. Then I laughed for five minutes, but what if I had two “better sides”?
Anyway, back to the pirate tooth. I found the whole thing traumatic as I hate all things teeth and dentistry. Like many people, I have an irrational anxiety at the dentist. I guess I should stop hiding my anxiety as my dentist didn’t seem to believe that while getting dental work done I am constantly thinking ‘go to your happy place!’ without even deciding where that is. I find myself so tense at in the dentists’ chair that my arms actually hurt by the time I get home. She was reluctant and ultimately didn’t give me any anti-anxiety medication, so, I brought my ipod which felt rude. Can’t win. Either way, she suggested gold as it adheres better and last longer and other stuff I stopped listening about so that’s what I did. Really I got it because the tooth cannot be seen without putting some effort into it. Last week when I went for the final installation and reveal visit, my dentist excitedly showed me the gold tooth in all its glory. Holding it on a custom plinth, she ‘oohed and aahed’ over it and raved about how beautiful it was and how much it was worth until I told her that I felt like we were getting engaged. Installation was atraumatic and I’m happy to report I have had a slurpee and ice cream since without wanting to cry. So, brush and floss kids, or you too will have a pirate tooth.