Scene: Me and Patrick, asleep in our bed. Like we actually were.
PATRICK (nudges Katie) Are you okay? You were kind of moaning...
KATIE Yeah, I think so... Hey, I think I'm in labor.
PATRICK You are? How can you tell?
KATIE (reaches down) The baby's head is sticking out!
KATIE Reach down and grab him.
PATRICK Okay. Give it a little push.
KATIE (gives it a little push)
PATRICK (holds up the baby) Look! Here's the baby!
KATIE Aw! Yay! Go find some scissors or something so we can cut the cord.
PATRICK Okay, but I don't want to leave him.
KATIE Well, take him with you.
PATRICK (Walks away with the baby, trailing a 50 foot umbilical cord back to Katie that looks suspiciously like a bright orange outdoor extension cord)
KATIE Put a diaper on him while you're up!
Later, when I actually woke up, I was devastated to find myself still pregnant. I then spent the entirety of yesterday trying to determine if I was, in fact, in labor. I had contractions, was nauseous, tried to survive as my body emptied itself of everything it could. I debated calling my mother and making her drive the 4 hours to me just to get me a cold washcloth for my forehead and tell me if I was in labor or not. I read tons of articles on the internet trying to determine if the pain I was feeling was actual labor pain and not just... not-labor pain (whatever - this stuff is so ambiguous it's disgusting), but couldn't come up with an actual answer until it finally went away last night. At that point I decided that I was not actually in labor - and that made me really angry. Today has been much better, helped by a long lunch over yummy Indian food with an old friend. Still, I would have preferred the dream been real - much easier that way.