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Call Me a Redneck Because I Just Don't Get It.

Posted Jan 14 2009 7:50pm

I think Thomas Jefferson clearly defined the theme of America’s future when he listed “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” as one of the inalienable rights of man. Personally, I think personal liberties are part and parcel of what makes America great. But, where do we draw the line?

Recently, I was traveling in northern California. While listening to a clerk describe a wine to us, I looked over and saw two middle-aged men sampling wine. I looked back at the clerk helping us and overheard one of the men saying, “We just got married!” They proceeded to show the young woman working with them their new, shiny wedding bands. Not being from California, I looked around for their wives. Not seeing anybody else in the small room, I came to the sudden and uncomfortable realization that they had married each other. How could I forget I was only 60 miles from San Francisco—well into the twilight zone?

Men getting married to each other is something I have not personally seen (of course, I know that Elton John married his “lover” in a big ceremony—but that was in England). Likewise, women marrying women is something I have not seen (such as Ellen DeGeneres and whoever she married after that Ann Hecht girl quit switch hitting. Also, when Rosie O’Donnell married her “wife,” all heterosexual men let out a sigh of relief—for one of us might be forced to have sex with Rosie one day). But, now back to California. I was now fully distracted. Two things surprised me. First, the very attractive woman helping them said, “Congratulations you two. That is great.” It was not so much what she said as how quickly she replied—like it was an everyday occurrence. If that were to happen where I am from you would immediately have the whole room go immediately quiet followed by somebody in the back yelling. “Get a rope!” Following her compliment, one of the men then planted a sloppy wet kiss on the lips of the other. That made me uncomfortable. O.K., I’m lying….I was extremely uncomfortable—to the point of nausea and reaching for the rental car keys.

Some will look to Freud to describe my feelings of being uncomfortable around men swapping saliva as some suppressed homosexual tendencies because my mother breast fed me too long or some similar horse shit. That is not true. I am and will remain heterosexual. I have never had a desire to explore the world of homosexuality and never will. But, there is something about it that just does not sit right with me.

I truly believe that homosexuality is both genetic and learned (societal). Richard Simmons obviously got a weapons-grade dose of the gay gene. But, should it be flaunted? From a Darwinian standpoint, they certainly don’t reproduce (readily) and contribute little to the gene pool. Is it an illness? Interestingly, many years ago the American Psychiatric Association listed homosexuality as a mental disorder in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-II. However, in 1973 homosexuality per se was removed from the DSM-II classification system of mental disorders and replaced by the category “Sexual Orientation Disturbance.” This represented a compromise between the view that preferential homosexuality is invariably a mental disorder and the view that it is merely a normal sexual variant. In actuality, the percentage of psychiatrists who are gay is significantly higher than in the general physician population. Thus, they themselves could not have a DSM diagnosis and the category was changed. That is the dirty truth.

So, should we live and let live? I guess so. But, I am uncomfortable with the politically-correct mantra of “it is totally normal” and making kids read about Johnny having two daddies or Susie having two mommies. Should gay “couples” raise kids? Certainly some children have come out of gay households and done well. Others have not. I don’t know the answer. Should a court place an orphan with a gay family when there is an equally qualified non-gay family?

I was not aware of gay people until I was 16 or so. In those days we called them “theatrical.” I did not have a clue what they did sexually—I just assumed they participated in some sort of penile jousting. Obviously, homosexuality was more widespread than we thought. It all became apparent when Rock Hudson was "outed" as he wasted away from HIV.

I guess the solution is to live where your comfort level is tolerable. For me, I am really not comfortable with open expressions of homosexual affection (granted, heterosexual affection can be just as startling—but certainly more interesting.) So, to the newlywed couple, Jim and Dan, all I can say is, “Enjoy California.” For me, I’ll reside elsewhere.

P.S. Now I know why California is nearly bankrupt. They have so many politically-correct social programs that they cannot even support their own damn infrastructure. Their roads are horrible and taxes and gasoline higher than hell—but their Governor can kill robots.
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