Swami Vivekananda has been one of my inspirations in life. He had said something to the effect "The solution to weakness is to think about strength"
This phrase has become so internalised for me that I didnt realise till yesterday morning.
I had penned some funny couplets as my status update on facebook and one of my friends dad asked me what was wrong with me. I replied with the factual answer that I was down with very low bp on saturday and didnt have much to do. In fact trying to remember these PJs kept me in good humour and jest.
When another friend Ranjeet asked me Low BP..Full TP it struck me that I really was trying to humour myself so that I could forget my physical condition. I recollected every moment. It was so scary. I was unable to even sit up, my neck was hurting from the behind. I was feeling so giddy that I could not see anything.
All I could do was close my eyes and maybe think...think of something positive something nice and funny to keep me in the right frame of mind.
This is what I normally tend to do. Dialysis is a painful process, there are times that I am on dialysis and there are BP fluctuations, cramps, rigors and what not. Sometimes its a combination of all of these. I go alone for my treatment so there is no relative/friend accompanying me. I am sorta alone out there, in the big bad world of dialysis.
What keeps me going are the pjs that I can think of. Most of them are originally created by me, some are ones that I might have read somewhere but dont remember when or where. Nothing however is ad verbatim copied from any other source. There is some original contribution in the peejay
Whether the peejay is totally original or not, it keeps me going. It helps me forget the pain in a positive manner.
Like some friends keep saying "Your jokes are such a pain" i keep smiling to myself that maybe the other way around is more accurate.