For the last few weeks, I have been having problems with my fistula. My venous site got slightly infected and I had to abandon it and develop a new site. (I use the buttonhole technique for my cannulation which means developing a tunnel by cannulating at the same site at the same angle for 5-6 times and then using blunt needles thereafter.) The first time I used a blunt needle for my new venous site, the next morning there was quite bad pain at the site and around it.
I skipped dialysis yet again - third time this week! This morning the pain is slightly better. But I guess I will have to abandon this site as well and develop yet another site.
Needling is bad enough with a fistula - buttonholes or with sharps. These kinds of problems I really could do without! This leads me to think about the convenience of using permcaths. No needles, no pain. The only trouble is it really is not permanent (despite the name). Permcaths, I am told last about a year. What is good cannot last long, right?
Last evening, I was really depressed, almost in tears. I went into the cycle of negativity. I saw people on the road on my way back and thought - these people are so lucky, they don't have to bother about these things! They have problems for sure - but all 'normal problems'. And here I am - saddled with this curse of a disease that dictates every breath of my life, that I have to live with every moment of my day, where all normalcy has been tossed out of my existence. I badly wanted to talk to someone, rest my head on a shoulder and cry.
As I said earlier, dialysis is something I can live with. But these additional problems are something I am getting fed up of.