This afternoon, I have to go and see my urologist. I was sent to him with a diagnosis of hematuria (and particulate in the urine). The suggested procedure is to have a cystoscopy to make sure that there is not a kidney stone (or something) in my bladder.
I have to admit to my blog reading community that I am not looking forward to today. This is not a procedure that has me excited in the least. I'm having a difficult time resolving my fear and handing it over to God. I know that I do not need to worry and that He cares for me. It's just tough, sometimes. Part of it might be some type of male cultural problem (who knows?).
I thought I'd compose the rest of my blog as a prayer, written after the format that Jesus gave the disciples when they asked Him how they should pray. As a reader, you get to enjoy a glimpse into my personal relationship with God, and see a bit of my fears handed over. It will sound slightly formal, but that is mostly because I have the time to type it all out (not just praying in my mind, or out loud). Here it goes My Father in Heaven,
You are wonderful and awesome. You knit me together in my mother's womb, and You have laid out the plans for my life. I love that You know me so intimately and have that You know all things. I pray today that my life can be a pointer to You and Your kingdom. Today I come to you with fear in my heart. I have a cystoscopy potentially scheduled for this afternoon, and I am not looking forward to it. My hope is that I do not need the procedure at all. I know that You have provided us with doctors to help when we are sick and that I need to trust my doctors in this matter. I just ask that Yyou would take away my fears and worries, and allow me to rest in Your comfort. Thank you for loving me despite my sins. I know that You continue to forgive me even though I continue to fail You. Please help me to follow Your Word more closely in my life. Help me not to allow fear and worry to creep into my heart as I face things I do not understand. Thank you for your Son, Jesus, who died for my sins.
So, I will go to see my urologist at 2:10 pm this afternoon. I haven't seen him since January of last year when Jenny and I were trying to figure out why she wasn't getting pregnant. It will be nice to give him the good news that she is due in December.
It might be a few days before I post again. I suppose my Facebook Friends or Twitter Followers will probably hear about my appointment before my blog readers do. Enjoy your days, and know that I will be great (and that I am still feeling wonderful).